Saturday, February 28, 2009

Make Me Over

I've been silent instead of speaking up. Gave my advice instead of giving love. I have been unfair, faithless and unkind. I have shut my eyes just so I would stay blind. It's not what I meant to do, cause I wanna honor you. Make me over, make me new. Make me a mirror, a reflection of you. Take me all apart. Take me to your heart and pull me closer. Oh, Jesus, make me over. Take away the pride that whispers in the dark. Take the stone out of the middle of my heart. Hidden underneath my insecurities is the servant that you've destined me to be. But day after precious day I get in my own way. Make me over, make me new. Make me a mirror, a reflection of you. Take me all apart. Take me to your heart and pull me closer. Sweet savior, make me over. I am only made of your imagining. I'm dust and clay on the wind. Wash me in the river of your sacrifice until I'm changed, purified. Take me all apart. Take me to your heart and pull me closer. My Jesus, make me over. Make me over. (Natalie Grant - "Make Me Over")

This Lent, I have decided to give up myself to Jesus and to be made whole again. To find out who I am and who I was meant to be before life got in the way with all its trials and tribulations. I have decided to give up all the doubts and insecurities in my life and rely fully on God to get me through whatever life can throw in my way. I have also decided to make my body over - inside and out. I had gotten away from working out because I just wasn't seeing the results I wanted in the time I wanted. Well, I'm back at it and I'm feeling great! I'm still worried about the results on the outside, but I'm trying to focus on the feelings inside first. Each day, when I work out, I repeat to myself - "You can do it. You are strong. Lean machine!" My goal is to be a "lean machine" when I turn 35 in April. My other goal is to have freed myself from the things inside of me that are trying to break me down. Each day when I get up, I have a choice - to get through the day with grace and compassion, or to be a victim and let my feelings bring me down. I have good days and bad days. I don't always make the right choice, and even when I do, there are outside forces at work that come in and destroy my good intentions. The best thing I've found through that is is that Jesus has my back. When I'm having a really bad day, someone sends me an e-mail, or gives me a call to let me know they're thinking about me. How cool is that!?! He is with me (and you) all the time! He has shown himself to me so much in these past months, I couldn't even begin to tell you. He is continually working to make me over and I can't wait to see the end result! I hope you'll join me in this 40-day journey and ask Him to make you over as well for whatever it is in your heart that is bringing you down.

Dear God, I give myself to You each and every day. Make me over, make me new. I give You my life and in Your hands I know that I am and forever will be Yours. In the darkest of times, You are with me. In the brightest of times, you are with me. You are my light and my salvation and I honor You with all that I have and all that I am inside. Give me peace, give me strength. Give me the courage to get through each day with You by my side and to do it in the best way I can. You alone know who I truly am and who I was meant to be. Help me to be that person each and every day no matter what life throws at me. I love you and I give myself to you. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Come to my Rescue

Lord You know everything I've done. Every thought I've had, You know every one. And Lord You know every time I fall. Still You come to my rescue when I call. Lord You hear every idle word. Every thoughtless deed, how it seems absurd. That Lord You give, not what I am due, but mercy; You come to my rescue.You come to my rescue, rescue. Lord You care and You've become my friend. Amazing love whose boundaries have no end. And Lord You show what a greater love can do, by being there for my rescue. And Lord I give all I can give (all my heart). All of my heart as long as I shall live. So Lord, oh Lord, I just want to thank You, for coming, coming to my rescue. You come to my rescue, rescue. It's hard to tell You just how grateful I am, but I'm still gonna make it show; with every breath gonna let You know. I am accepting though I can't comprehend, how I could be worth the cost, when I was bound, despised and lost. Lord I give all I can give (all my heart). All of my heart as long as I shall live. So Lord, oh Lord, I just want to thank You (I really want to thank you), for coming, for coming to my rescue. You come to my rescue, rescue. He is always there for me (rescue, rescue). And he'll be right, right there for you (rescue, rescue). Oh Lord I know I don't deserve it (rescue, rescue). But you love me anyhow (rescue, rescue). You come to my rescue (rescue, rescue). Keep on coming to my rescue (rescue, rescue). (ACappella - "Rescue")

As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along w/all the other souls. Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life. But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all. I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened. My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air. Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been! My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise. My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness, and scarcity, and false accusations that took me from my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to the ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me. And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was. I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light. An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes. Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, "Every time you gave over your life to Me it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles. Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you."

Thank you Phyllis for giving me this beautiful story last week in church! When I read it, I started to cry. (What else is new?) And when I found out that this week's service was about "Healing", this story couldn't have been more appropriate or come at a better time (remember God's timing is perfect! Even though we don't always think so...). In life, we are given many opportunities, and many challenges. How we handle them doesn't define us. Who we ask for help to get us through, heals us.

May your life be filled with holes... and light.

Saturday, February 7, 2009


Time, it's changing me. It's hard to see who I am. Touched, I'm touched by many things. So many things I don't understand. But seasons pass and I discover above all this there's another helping me to hold on to what is timeless. So the autumn can color me gold, and the winter can dress me in snow. But it's You I see - the timeless part of me. In the springtime I'm young once again. In the summer I dance on the wind. But it's You I see - the timeless part of me. Change, whether it's good or bad. You know I'm glad You're in control. Oh, Lord, if I don't understand, I know Your hand will shield my soul. Seasons pass and I discover above all this there's another helping me to hold on to what is timeless. ("Timeless" by Selah)

In thinking about what song for this week, I didn't have a clue what song to use. I typed some keywords into Google, but nothing jumped out at me. It wasn't until I was throwing clothes in the laundry that I thought of this song by Selah. Timeless. God's timing is perfect, even if ours isn't. I should know. For several months now, all I've though about is time. I count every second, every minute, every hour until the next day comes. Is it time to go to bed yet? Is it time to give the girls a kiss goodnight? I wake up at night and wonder what time it is. How much longer until the alarm clock rings and I have to get ready for work? How much time until I have to get ready for another day of counting time, waiting for it to come and then watching it go by. How much time have I spent wondering what this new day will bring. Will it be easier than yesterday? Will it be harder? Will I get through it at all? During all this time, I've changed, and I'm still changing. I'm learning to appreciate the time that I have, the time that has past, and the time that is yet to come. I've been touched by the amount of time I've wasted and touched by the amount of time I've enjoyed. I've spent way too much time on things I don't understand, and not enough on those things I do. Throughout these past months, Autumn did turn into Winter and Winter will eventually turn into Spring. Time goes on with or without me. I am the one who has to decide how to spend the time I have. And I have decided that I am going to spend the rest of my time living my life as best I can. I am going to stop and enjoy the music that is all around me, if only for a few moments. I am going to stop worrying about things I don't have control over (because He's always in control) and stop counting the seconds that pass.

I am going to live each moment the best way I know how - with Him by my side every step of the way, every second of each day. I am going to cherish each moment with no regrets. He has given us this time to enjoy, to hurt, to laugh, to cry, to fall in and out of love. Time to spend with family and friends. Time to find out who we really are, not who people want us to be. Time to enjoy every moment of every day, the good times and the bad times. No matter how much time changes us, God is always in control and His hand will shield our soul.

Time is but a ticking of the clock. Don't let the tick-tock of the clock decide how you live your life. Stand tall and walk proud knowing that He is with you for all time.