T-Time

Strong Enough

2011-12-29T00:51:00.003-05:00

The past 3 years have been full of ups and downs for me. I got divorced. I got married. I have 2 amazing daughters, and gained 2 amazing “daughters”. I lost 40 lbs and did 7 Triathlons, from Sprints to an Olympic, individual and team. I found true friends, true strength, and also true love. I found out that people aren’t always what they seem, and as I was reminded tonight (Thank you Superman), that you never really know a person until they become your enemy. Sad, but true.

I also found out that no matter how strong I think I am, I’m not strong enough to do it on my own. There are many things I can do, but even I need help now and then. I’m stubborn as a mule, but I’m also soft as a feather pillow. And underneath it all, I’m not nearly as strong as I lead people to believe, and my faith gets tested. And tested hard! So much so that even I wonder “why?”

I get upset! I hurt! I want to yell and scream! I want to run… and run… and run… I don’t even know where - just away. Thinking that if I run far enough, or long enough, or hard enough, that I will run away from the pain. Run away from my problems. But I can’t. I can’t run away from any of those things. Because running doesn’t take care of any of it! It may help for a brief period while I’m out there, but ultimately, I have to run back – home. Home.

For Christmas this year, our daughter gave us a plaque that said “HOME is where you unpack your heart not your stuff. My gosh, if that didn’t hit the nail on the head! My heart is home and it’s not going anywhere anytime soon. I have never felt as much at “home” as I have in the past 2 ½ years. I have also never felt as scared. I’m scared I’m going to lose it all because there is just so much going on in the background. And every day it’s something new. Something else. How much more can I take? How much more can we take? How much more? How much more God!?!? I can’t take much more! I’m not strong enough! I can’t do this on my own…

Now more than I ever, I need to find my faith. I need to find my strength, and His. I know He’s there. I know He’s always been there. I know that my life is easy compared to others and I don’t understand. How can I not be strong enough? Because I’m not! I’m not strong enough to deal with my children being hurt and used as a tug-of-war rope. I’m not strong enough to deal with the repeated hits over and over again. I’m not strong enough to deal with everything all the time. “No matter how numb your body gets, your mind still feels the pain.” I have reached rock bottom and I am looking up. There are clouds and there is snow. But still, I am looking up… and reaching out. I’m strong enough to do that.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand...

2010-06-19T14:30:00.003-04:00

I have unanswered prayers. I have trouble I wish wasn't there. And I have asked a thousand ways that you would take my pain away. That you would take my pain away. I am trying to understand, how to walk this weary land. Make straight the paths that crooked lie Oh Lord, before these feet of mine. Oh Lord, before these feet of mine. When my world is shaking, heaven stands. When my heart is breaking, I never leave your hands. When you walked upon the earth, you healed the broken, lost & hurt. I know you hate to see me cry. One day you will set all things right. Yeah, one day you will set all things right. When my world is shaking, heaven stands. When my heart is breaking, I never leave your hands. Your hands that shaped the world are holding me. They are holding me still. "Your Hands" by JJ Heller

I don't know about you, but there is something incredibly special about holding hands with a child - especially when it's your own! When you're walking along talking about the groceries you need to buy, or the things that need done at your house, or at work, or or or... and your child just reaches up and grabs your hand with theirs. Ahhhh. Peace. What a FEELING! What an INCREDIBLE feeling... Everything else fades away for the time being and no matter what else is going on in your world, it is not nearly as important as that moment when your child's hand is holding onto yours. The initial contact. The warmth. The trust. The love. The trust in that small hand that is holding yours. There is truly something to be said about the emotions that are evoked when a child reaches up and holds your hand. It is in that moment that you know that there is someone depending on you, loving you, trusting you and giving you THEIR love - unconditionally. No strings attached. Sometimes there are no words that can express how it feels when your child grabs your hand. Especially when you are having a bad day and nothing in it seems to have gone "your" way. Just that small gesture can make all the pain of the day go away, if only for a short time...

I wonder if that's how God must feel when we reach out to Him and grab His hand? We come to Him often broken with the many burdens of our life. And we reach out to hold His hand because in it we find what we most often need - peace, comfort, love, trust, STRENGTH. We reach out to hold HIS hand because, like children, we like to feel the hands of someone we love, we trust, we NEED. We want to find that security and comfort, too. We want to be a child and hold our Father's hand...

But how many hands can He hold at one time? How many hands does He hold? Does He know which hand is mine? Is there room for one more? Is there room for me??? All those questions. But what you really need to know is... There is room for you. There is always room for you. There will always be room for you. When you are hurting, alone, lost, happy, content, reach out your hand. He wants to hold your hand as much as you want to hold His. Don't be afraid to reach up and hold your Father's hand...

Peace <3

What Faith Can Do

2010-06-08T10:49:00.002-04:00

Everybody falls sometimes. Gotta find the strength to rise from the ashes and make a new beginning. Anyone can feel the ache. You think it’s more than you can take. But you are stronger, stronger than you know. Don’t you give up now, the sun will soon be shining. You gotta face the clouds to find the silver lining. I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains. Hope that doesn’t ever end even when the sky is falling. And I’ve seen miracles just happen. Silent prayers get answered. Broken hearts become brand new. That’s what faith can do. It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard, impossible is not a word. It’s just a reason for someone not to try. Everybody’s scared to death when they decide to take that step out on the water. It’ll be alright, life is so much more than just what your eyes are seeing. You will find your way, if you keep believing. I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains. Hope that doesn’t ever end even when the sky is falling. And I’ve seen miracles just happen. Silent prayers get answered. Broken hearts become brand new. That’s what faith can do. Overcome the odds. You do have a chance (that’s what faith can do). When the world says you can’t, it’ll tell you that you can! I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains. Hope that doesn’t ever end even when the sky is falling. And I’ve seen miracles just happen. Silent prayers get answered. Broken hearts become brand new. That’s what faith can do. Even if you fall sometimes, you will have the strength to rise. (Kutless – “What Faith Can Do”)

I absolutely LOVE this song! I heard it first a few months ago on KLove radio while driving to work. As a new listener to the station, (Thanks Tammy again for introducing me to it), I was anxious to hear what kind of music they were going to play and was NOT DISAPPOINTED!!! I was bored of “mainstream” radio and wasn’t getting anything from it. It didn’t inspire me. Or motivate me. It just didn’t DO anything for me. Don’t get me wrong, there are some songs out there that have that something, but overall, I would much rather listen to music that has substance. Something you can sink your teeth into, if you know what I mean. I am in my car for an hour every morning and an hour every evening. Time is something I have lots of -- then! Lol So I try to use it wisely – well, as wisely as you can while in a car driving in rush hour traffic and always in a hurry to pick up my girls. I pray. I sing. I laugh. I cry. Yes, I even talk on the phone. Sometimes, I just drive… Mostly, I listen to music and reflect on my life and what God has in store for me. I think about the choices I have made, and the choices yet to come. I think about why and why not. I think about how I’m going to get through the night, what to make for dinner, how much laundry there is, and what work needs done around the house. I think about money and my girls. About love and the future. I just think way too much sometimes!

Anyway, when I heard this song, it was one of THOSE mornings. You know them. We all have them. The first set of lyrics just struck me right in the heart. It was like I had just been hit smack center with a wrecking ball and I knew right then and there, that no matter what was going on in my life, how hard I THOUGHT it was, that I would be able to get through it. I have had one heck of a year since my last writing. Life has changed dramatically, to say the least. From a 40 lb. weight loss, to participating in 3 Sprint Triathlons last summer and now training for a regular Triathlon. To losing someone who I thought was my best friend, to finding someone that is so much more than that, and more than I could EVER have dreamed of or hoped for - the love of my life and the love of a lifetime…

I don’t know what I expected last year when I got down on my knees and prayed for “something”. I surely didn’t expect God to do what He did and to change my life the way He has. I guess I should have known better… Believe me, there have and continue to be HUGE potholes in the road and have been for the past year and will be for the rest of my life. That IS life. However, it’s so much easier knowing that there is ALWAYS a bright side to ANY situation and that the strength you need to carry on comes from within… YOU. Isn't that what faith can do...

Peace and love my friends. I've missed you...

Running after You

2009-06-20T10:30:00.003-04:00

I hear the voice, it's the voice of the one I love. He's callin' my name. (I hear you calling me Jesus.) I hear the voice, the voice of the one I love. He's calling my name. (Can you hear Him calling?) He's sayin' - "Come up higher, hear the angels sing. Come up higher, my beloved. Come up higher and leave this world behind." You find me to be beautiful. I am running, running after You. You've become my soul's delight. I am running, running after You. Here with You I found my life. I am running, running after You. You've become my soul's delight. I am running, running after You. Here with You I find my life. I am running, running after You. You've become my soul's delight. I am running, running after You. Here with You I find my life. One thing I have desired, this will I seek after, to dwell in Your house forevermore. Now I'm running after the thing that really matters. You've become my joy and song. (You've become my joy and song.) You've become my joy and song. (You've become my joy and song.) You've become my joy and song. Become my joy and song. I am running, running after You. You've become my soul's delight. I am running, running after You. Here with You I find my life. I am running, running after You. You've become my soul's delight. I am running, running after You. Here with You I find my life... Here with You I find my life... ("Running" Klaus Kuehn)

So often it seems we are running FROM something, not AFTER anything. We run from things we're afraid of. We run from adversity, from temptation, from each other. It's easy to run away. It's not that easy to run to. It seems like all I've done this past year is run. There have been times I feel as if I've been running FOR my life. Do you know how scary that is? How long can I run? How fast do I have to go? When will I reach the finish line? I don't think I have the strength to make it... Those have just been some of the thoughts in my head. The one thing that has kept me running, though, towards something, is the knowledge I carry with me that He is at the end of every run I've ever been on, or ever will be. Now, instead of wondering how long, or how fast, I think, just another step, just another step. Take your time, there's no hurry, He's waiting for You. No matter how long it takes me to get there. He is waiting and HE CAN WAIT. He knows that I'm running after Him and He can't wait until I get there!

When you're running the race of life, don't think about the finish line, think about who's waiting on the other side... And run to Him. For He is calling your name.

I'll Rise

2009-04-11T19:37:00.002-04:00

Out of Your great love, You came down from glory. The Son of God to set me free. And for all my sin You gave yourself on Calvary. You rose so I can live again. And I'll rise because You rose. And I'll live because You died for me. I'll love because You first loved me. O Lord, You are my life. O Lord, You are my life. Though I may walk through the valley of the shadow, I know that You are there with me. And if I lose my way, I know Your hand will guide me. Nothing can take Your love away. And I'll rise because You rose. And I'll live because You died for me. I'll love because You first loved me. O Lord, You are my life. O Lord, You are my life. You're all I need. You are the One who makes my life worth living. Lord, here I am, take all of me. Take all my hopes, take all my dreams that I have held so dearly. Lord, please take it all. And I'll rise because You rose. And I'll live because You died for me. I'll love because You first loved me.

As I was sitting in the Good Friday service last night, I gave serious thought to my life up until now. I thought about the things I've done, the people I've met, the choices I've made, and what is yet to come. I thought about Jesus' life, how He lived, how He died, and how those things have affected me. I thought about the times I've turned to Him in prayers of thanksgiving, and in prayers of distress. I thought about the times I've given my life to Him, and how He has changed me. But most importantly, I thought about the sacrifice He made FOR ME and how/what I could do with my life to make his sacrifice worth something. Then I thought of the song above and I knew what I had to do. "I'll rise because You rose. And I'll live because You died for me. I'll love because You first loved me. O Lord, You are my life. O Lord, You are my life." I have to rise above any obstacle because nothing is bigger than His dying on the cross for me. I have to live because His life made mine important. I have to love because no matter how much it hurts sometimes, it's what I do best. He is my life and I need to live my life for and about Him.

This Easter, think about how best to live your life for Him. How can you rise against the things that seem insurmountable? How can you live in a way that honors the one who died for you? How can you love those that don't want to love you in return? Like Jesus. With grace, strength of character, compassion, unconditional love and prayer.

This Easter, rise and choose to live, for He is risen indeed!

I will walk by faith...

2009-04-04T23:11:00.000-04:00

Would I believe you when you would say Your hand will guide my every way. Will I receive the words You say every moment of every day. Well I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see it. Well because this broken road prepares Your will for me. Help me to win my endless fears. You've been so faithful for all my years. With the one breath You make me. Your grace covers all I do. Well I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see it. Well because this broken road prepares Your will for me. Well I'm broken - but I still see Your face. Well You've spoken - pouring Your words of grace. Well I will walk by faith even when I cannot see. Well because this broken road prepares Your will for me. Well I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see it. Well because this broken road prepares Your will for me. Well hallelujah, hallelu. Well hallelujah, hallelu. (I will walk by faith). I will walk, I will walk, I will walk by faith. I will, I will, I will walk by faith. (Jeremy Camp - "Walk By Faith")"

I will walk by Faith." I wonder if that's what Jesus thought that day riding into Jerusalem on his donkey? Did He truly believe that God's hand would guide him every way and in everything He did? Did He already know what lay before him in the days ahead, or did each day bring something new? As we go through each day, how much do we truly walk by faith? How much do we give up to God above, our Maker and Creator? How much of what we say we've given over to Him have we truly let go of, and let God? I bet not nearly as much as we think... I have tried "walking by faith" this Lenten season. If you recall, several weeks ago, I decided that this Lent, I was going to give myself up to Jesus and be made whole again. I wanted to find out who I was and who I was meant to be before life got in the way with all its trials and tribulations. I decided to give up all the doubts and insecurities in my life and rely fully on God to get me through whatever life could throw in my way. I wanted to walk by faith. Well, I haven't. Not entirely. I'm not ready yet. But, I have made great strides. Each day before I get out of bed, I say a prayer - a prayer of thanksgiving for the day to come, a prayer of thanksgiving for the days that have past, and a prayer for peace and strength to get me through today. Each night before I go to bed, I say a prayer of thanksgiving for getting me through the day, a prayer of thanksgiving for the people in my life, and a prayer for peace and strength to get me through tomorrow. I am trying to walk by faith each and every day. He hasn't failed me yet, even though there are times where I've wondered where He is.

Like this one - this past Wednesday, we had to put down our beloved dog, Ammo. She had been w/us for nearly 13 years (her 13th birthday was today, April 4th). It was completely unexpected. She had been sick for a few years, and had definitely outlasted her prognosis. But, still, when the time came, it wasn't the easiest thing we've ever had to do. To be honest, it was absolutely, completely HORRIBLE! I haven't cried that hard or that much in a long time and I don't want to do it again anytime soon. That night, after it was over, I called my Mom and I told her I was so angry with God. I couldn't believe He had taken her from us and I truly didn't understand why or how He could throw something else at us like losing Ammo on top of everything else. I hadn't given up, but I was tired of fighting for what I believed in, and wondered how broad He thought my shoulders were? There's only so much one person can take and I felt like I had definitely reached my limit! The next day, my mom called during her Bible Study and said she had a scripture for me that came up after she had asked for prayers for our family. I found out later the scripture was Matthew 11: 28-30. "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." God had heard my cries for help! He knew that I was broken and battered and just wanted to give in and give up! When I was at my lowest, He found a way to remind me that nothing is too much for Him. I will continue to walk by faith, because this broken road does prepare His will for me.

Keep walking, no matter how long or how broken the road is. Keep the faith, for He will never give up on you.

The bar is so high

2009-03-06T19:57:00.002-05:00

It's a fear that keeps me wide awake in the middle of the night. When the expectations are too great and the bar gets raised too high. So I do the best with what I've gotand hope that no one knows that I strain to see how high I can. Try to stand on these toes until I'm measured, but You know better. So, thank You, Jesus. Even when You see us just as we are, fragile and frail and so far from who we want to be. So, thank You, Jesus. Even when the pieces are broken and small. Dreams shatter and scatter like the wind. Thank You, even then. So I put aside the masquerade and admit that I am not okay which may not be the thing to say but I'm not ashamed to need You more each day. We raise the standard and try to reach You but we'll never make it, and we don't need to. (Nichole Nordeman - "Even Then")

When I was growing up, I used to go to roller skating every weekend. I went so much, my parents bought me my own skates. I loved those skates! They were white with hot pink wheels & hot pink toe stops. (I had those skates up until just a few years ago when I sold them at a yard sale.) Those skates gave me great memories - especially doing the limbo! I could get pretty low, but never as low as some of the kids that grew up on skates and were 4 and 5 years old. There were some kids that could do full splits underneath that limbo bar, mostly boys! At that time, I judged myself on how well I did based on how LOW the bar was before I fell. I was younger then and a lot more flexible than I am now. Today, I judge myself on how HIGH the bar is before I fail. I have my own expectations of how I should rate as a daughter, mother, wife and friend. As of today, I have never met those expectations, nor will I. I've set my bar too high, but I won't/can't lower it. So, in the meantime, I keep trying and I keep failing. I have expectations of how I should perform in my job, and my boss and co-workers have their expectations. My boss expects me to know every little thing that goes wrong with his computer and how to fix it. I can fix a lot, but I'm not a computer expert. I'm expected to multi-task 15 different things at once and keep them all straight and get them done at the same time. I do well enough, but my bar has been set so high that sometimes it's impossible to meet.

So what happens when I realize that no matter how hard I try, no matter how tall I stretch on my tiptoes, I'll never be quite high enough? That I'll never be good enough to reach that bar? What happens then? What happens when I fail? What happens when I'm broken and shattered and there's nothing left? That's when Jesus comes in. That's when I get down on my knees and pray for His mercy. And that's when He reaches out and wraps His arms around me and I know that no matter how high MY bar is, His will never be too high for me.

How high is your bar?

Make Me Over

2009-02-28T19:32:00.001-05:00

I've been silent instead of speaking up. Gave my advice instead of giving love. I have been unfair, faithless and unkind. I have shut my eyes just so I would stay blind. It's not what I meant to do, cause I wanna honor you. Make me over, make me new. Make me a mirror, a reflection of you. Take me all apart. Take me to your heart and pull me closer. Oh, Jesus, make me over. Take away the pride that whispers in the dark. Take the stone out of the middle of my heart. Hidden underneath my insecurities is the servant that you've destined me to be. But day after precious day I get in my own way. Make me over, make me new. Make me a mirror, a reflection of you. Take me all apart. Take me to your heart and pull me closer. Sweet savior, make me over. I am only made of your imagining. I'm dust and clay on the wind. Wash me in the river of your sacrifice until I'm changed, purified. Take me all apart. Take me to your heart and pull me closer. My Jesus, make me over. Make me over. (Natalie Grant - "Make Me Over")

This Lent, I have decided to give up myself to Jesus and to be made whole again. To find out who I am and who I was meant to be before life got in the way with all its trials and tribulations. I have decided to give up all the doubts and insecurities in my life and rely fully on God to get me through whatever life can throw in my way. I have also decided to make my body over - inside and out. I had gotten away from working out because I just wasn't seeing the results I wanted in the time I wanted. Well, I'm back at it and I'm feeling great! I'm still worried about the results on the outside, but I'm trying to focus on the feelings inside first. Each day, when I work out, I repeat to myself - "You can do it. You are strong. Lean machine!" My goal is to be a "lean machine" when I turn 35 in April. My other goal is to have freed myself from the things inside of me that are trying to break me down. Each day when I get up, I have a choice - to get through the day with grace and compassion, or to be a victim and let my feelings bring me down. I have good days and bad days. I don't always make the right choice, and even when I do, there are outside forces at work that come in and destroy my good intentions. The best thing I've found through that is is that Jesus has my back. When I'm having a really bad day, someone sends me an e-mail, or gives me a call to let me know they're thinking about me. How cool is that!?! He is with me (and you) all the time! He has shown himself to me so much in these past months, I couldn't even begin to tell you. He is continually working to make me over and I can't wait to see the end result! I hope you'll join me in this 40-day journey and ask Him to make you over as well for whatever it is in your heart that is bringing you down.

Dear God, I give myself to You each and every day. Make me over, make me new. I give You my life and in Your hands I know that I am and forever will be Yours. In the darkest of times, You are with me. In the brightest of times, you are with me. You are my light and my salvation and I honor You with all that I have and all that I am inside. Give me peace, give me strength. Give me the courage to get through each day with You by my side and to do it in the best way I can. You alone know who I truly am and who I was meant to be. Help me to be that person each and every day no matter what life throws at me. I love you and I give myself to you. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Come to my Rescue

2009-02-14T09:48:00.000-05:00

Lord You know everything I've done. Every thought I've had, You know every one. And Lord You know every time I fall. Still You come to my rescue when I call. Lord You hear every idle word. Every thoughtless deed, how it seems absurd. That Lord You give, not what I am due, but mercy; You come to my rescue.You come to my rescue, rescue. Lord You care and You've become my friend. Amazing love whose boundaries have no end. And Lord You show what a greater love can do, by being there for my rescue. And Lord I give all I can give (all my heart). All of my heart as long as I shall live. So Lord, oh Lord, I just want to thank You, for coming, coming to my rescue. You come to my rescue, rescue. It's hard to tell You just how grateful I am, but I'm still gonna make it show; with every breath gonna let You know. I am accepting though I can't comprehend, how I could be worth the cost, when I was bound, despised and lost. Lord I give all I can give (all my heart). All of my heart as long as I shall live. So Lord, oh Lord, I just want to thank You (I really want to thank you), for coming, for coming to my rescue. You come to my rescue, rescue. He is always there for me (rescue, rescue). And he'll be right, right there for you (rescue, rescue). Oh Lord I know I don't deserve it (rescue, rescue). But you love me anyhow (rescue, rescue). You come to my rescue (rescue, rescue). Keep on coming to my rescue (rescue, rescue). (ACappella - "Rescue")

As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along w/all the other souls. Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life. But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all. I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened. My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air. Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been! My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise. My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness, and scarcity, and false accusations that took me from my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to the ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me. And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was. I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light. An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes. Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, "Every time you gave over your life to Me it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles. Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you."

Thank you Phyllis for giving me this beautiful story last week in church! When I read it, I started to cry. (What else is new?) And when I found out that this week's service was about "Healing", this story couldn't have been more appropriate or come at a better time (remember God's timing is perfect! Even though we don't always think so...). In life, we are given many opportunities, and many challenges. How we handle them doesn't define us. Who we ask for help to get us through, heals us.

May your life be filled with holes... and light.

Timeless

2009-02-07T08:48:00.001-05:00

Time, it's changing me. It's hard to see who I am. Touched, I'm touched by many things. So many things I don't understand. But seasons pass and I discover above all this there's another helping me to hold on to what is timeless. So the autumn can color me gold, and the winter can dress me in snow. But it's You I see - the timeless part of me. In the springtime I'm young once again. In the summer I dance on the wind. But it's You I see - the timeless part of me. Change, whether it's good or bad. You know I'm glad You're in control. Oh, Lord, if I don't understand, I know Your hand will shield my soul. Seasons pass and I discover above all this there's another helping me to hold on to what is timeless. ("Timeless" by Selah)

In thinking about what song for this week, I didn't have a clue what song to use. I typed some keywords into Google, but nothing jumped out at me. It wasn't until I was throwing clothes in the laundry that I thought of this song by Selah. Timeless. God's timing is perfect, even if ours isn't. I should know. For several months now, all I've though about is time. I count every second, every minute, every hour until the next day comes. Is it time to go to bed yet? Is it time to give the girls a kiss goodnight? I wake up at night and wonder what time it is. How much longer until the alarm clock rings and I have to get ready for work? How much time until I have to get ready for another day of counting time, waiting for it to come and then watching it go by. How much time have I spent wondering what this new day will bring. Will it be easier than yesterday? Will it be harder? Will I get through it at all? During all this time, I've changed, and I'm still changing. I'm learning to appreciate the time that I have, the time that has past, and the time that is yet to come. I've been touched by the amount of time I've wasted and touched by the amount of time I've enjoyed. I've spent way too much time on things I don't understand, and not enough on those things I do. Throughout these past months, Autumn did turn into Winter and Winter will eventually turn into Spring. Time goes on with or without me. I am the one who has to decide how to spend the time I have. And I have decided that I am going to spend the rest of my time living my life as best I can. I am going to stop and enjoy the music that is all around me, if only for a few moments. I am going to stop worrying about things I don't have control over (because He's always in control) and stop counting the seconds that pass.

I am going to live each moment the best way I know how - with Him by my side every step of the way, every second of each day. I am going to cherish each moment with no regrets. He has given us this time to enjoy, to hurt, to laugh, to cry, to fall in and out of love. Time to spend with family and friends. Time to find out who we really are, not who people want us to be. Time to enjoy every moment of every day, the good times and the bad times. No matter how much time changes us, God is always in control and His hand will shield our soul.

Time is but a ticking of the clock. Don't let the tick-tock of the clock decide how you live your life. Stand tall and walk proud knowing that He is with you for all time.

Treasure of Jesus

2009-01-17T01:38:00.000-05:00

What can I do? How can I live to show my world the treasure of Jesus? What will it take? What could I give so they can know the treasure He is? If I can sing,let my songs be full of His Glory. If I can speak, let my words be full of His Grace. If I should live or die, let me be found pursuing this prize. The One that alone satisfies the treasure of Jesus. And if I can sing, let my songs be full of His Glory. If I can speak, let all my words be full of His Grace. And if I should live or die, let me be found pursuing this prize. The One that alone satisfies the treasure of Jesus. (Steven Curtis Chapman - "Treasure of Jesus")

What can I do to show the world the treasure of Jesus? What can I give? If I can write, let my words be full of His Love. When I started this journey of writing a message to go with the order of worship, I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't thinking about what I could give. I was thinking "is anyone going to care or even notice my messages?" "What are they going to think when they read this?" "Am I really qualified to write anything that will be meaningful and match the impact of Sunday's message?"

Looking back over these past 5 1/2 years, I found that I have had much to give. I have found that my writings are full of His Love. I have found that you care and that you have noticed. I have found that these touch everyone differently. I have found that when I write, the words aren't just random thoughts in my head, but they come from a deeper part of me. From my heart and from my soul. I have found that these writings have become very personal and hold deep meaning for me. What can I give through my writings? I can give you my passion, my love of people, and my love for Jesus. I hope I give you something to look forward to each week. I hope I give you something to help you along your own journey. I hope I give you words full of His Love.

What can you give?

Time that's left

2009-01-03T13:48:00.000-05:00

What will you do with the time that's left? Will you live it all with no regret? Will they say that you loved till your final breath? What will you do with the time that's left? Oh, Hallelujah! Oh, Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Amen. What will you do with the time that's past? Oh and all the pain that seems to last? Can you give it to Jesus and not look back? What will you do with the time that's past? Oh, Hallelujah! Oh, Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Amen. What will He say when your time has come? When He takes you into His arms of love? With tears in His eyes will He say well done? What will He say when your time has come? Oh, Hallelujah! Oh, Hallelujah! Hallelujah! (Lord be present in all my ways, help me follow You all my days oh Father God.) Amen. What will you do with the time that's left? Will you live it all with no regret? Will they say that you loved till your final breath? What will you do with the time? (Mark Schultz - Time That's Left)

So often I find solace in the words of songs when my life is in disarray. It seems that the right song comes on the radio, or the cd, just when I need it and the message is directed right at me and the time and place I'm at in my life. As this is the first weekend of the New Year, the song above by Mark Schultz seemed very appropriate to the time of the year and to where I am in my life right now... "What will you do with the time that's left?" I don't know what I'm going to do with the time that's left. I don't know how much time I have. No one does. I don't really think about the "time" I have left. Right now, I'm thinking about how to get through the next minute, the next hour. I'm thinking about how to get through this day and into the next one without totally having a meltdown. Right now, I'm taking each minute as it comes and just getting through it. Life is hard. "Will you live it all with no regret?" I have SO SO many regrets. Some bigger than others. Some things I don't regret, but wish that the outcome would have been different. How can one live with no regret? How can you possibly know when you do something what the outcome will be every time. Life is unexpected, and it does unexpected things. I guess the only way to live life with no regret is to take it for all it's worth and live every minute of it with all the ups and downs that those minutes bring. "Will they say that you loved till your final breath?" I hope that's the first thing people say after I've breathed my last breath - that I loved. I loved with every fiber of my being and I spread that love to those around me even when my own heart was breaking. It's not easy to give love when all you want to do is receive it. But sometimes, it's just not your time to be on the receiving end, and when giving, aren't you also receiving? "What will you do with the time that's past? And all the pain that seems to last?" I don't know what I'm doing with the time that's past. Dwelling on it a lot. Regretting some, relishing more, never forgetting anything. The pain is ever-present, some pains are fresher than others, but they all hurt just the same. I'm storing those pains deep down in my heart, so I'll never forget where I've been, but knowing that I can always go forward... "Can you give it to Jesus and not look back?" I've given a lot of my pain to Jesus, but I've found that it comes back. Maybe I haven't been fully truthful with myself when giving my pain to Jesus because somehow I feel that I need to hold on to it so I don't forget what it feels like to hurt. Maybe I don't want to give it fully to Jesus because he has been through so much pain for me. I don't know. I often wonder if holding onto the pain isn't a way of using it as a protective shield against the other pains that come in my life? I give pain to Jesus, for a time, but I always look back. Some pains are harder to let go of than others. "When He takes you into His arms of love? With tears in His eyes will He say well done?" I know that when my time has come, His arms will be wide open and I will run as fast as I can into them, and we will both have tears in our eyes. Well done. Well done.

I know that my life to this point hasn't been lived without regrets, that it has been lived with love. I know that the time that's past has shaped me into the person I am and that the time to come will help shape me into the person I have yet to be. I know that the pain that lasts is with me for a reason, to help me find my way, whatever it is and that when I'm ready, I will give it to Jesus and not look back. Will I sing Hallelujah and Amen? Yes, but not always with joy, but as a prayer of thanksgiving that I have been given a life full of opportunities to feel pain, to give and to receive love, to have regrets. I will sing Hallelujah and Amen because I have been given a life full of the promise that when my time is up, I know that His arms will be wide open to receive me and that all the pain I have endured will be nothing like the love He has given me every minute of every day.
What will you do with the time that's left?

Patience

2008-12-06T11:34:00.001-05:00

Patience only comes when you spend your time just waiting. You're the only one that's worth the wait I think your great. And writing melodies sometimes seems to ease all the stuff that's built up inside. Patience is what comes when you spend your time just waiting listening for the phone, hoping that I'll get a call. Maybe from some friends wondering how I've been. Wondering if we all could hang out. Bring back the good times. I think that that would be just fine. Bring back the good times. Patience won't you come, oh I feel like life's suspended. I have not become the thing that I have so intended. Put my mind at ease, and I'll write melodies. And I'll sing songs of hope that's to come. So bring back the good times. I think that that would be just fine. Bring back the good times. I won't embrace the things that I have done. Patience waits for what we will become. Oh it's so much more I know, that it's so worth waiting for. (Bleach)

PATIENCE. I'm learning about it. I'm learning to live with it. I'm learning that I don't like it all that much. It hurts. It's hard. It's a lesson about time. It's a lesson that I've been taught all my life, but still haven't learned. PATIENCE. Sometimes, I feel like my life is spinning totally out of control and I have no patience. Right now is one of those times. I'm learning patience the hard way, by having to live with it on a daily basis. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. I have to be PATIENT. It's one of the hardest things I've done - ever. I am learning to keep my mouth shut, my tears in check. I am learning when to let it go, and when to hold it all in. I'm not a star pupil. I still open my mouth when I shouldn't, cry when I shouldn't. Sometimes, I just let it all go and it's totally the wrong time. Sometimes I hold it all in and it's the wrong time. Sometimes, it's never the right time. I'm still learning. I'll get there, eventually. Be patient with me.

In this second week of Advent, as I'm praying for patience, I've been praying for something I don't know if I'll get answered the way I'm praying for. (Been there? Done that?) I'm praying for something that is totally out of my hands. Life is like that. We pray and we pray and we pray for something, and we don't know whether or not our prayer will be answered in the way we hoped for, prayed for. It's not that our prayers won't be answered, it's just when and how that we don't know. I've added a link to my blog (http://tiffanysttime.blogspot.com) - "Pray 7x7". You are supposed to pray 7 times a day for 7 different events, for 7 days. I've been praying at least 7 times a day for 7 days, but I've only been praying for 2 or 3 things. Today is as good a time as any to start praying for 7 things, 7 times, for 7 days. I'll let you know the results in next week's write-up. In the meantime, if you want to join me in praying 7x7, please do. If you'd like to share, I'd love to hear how your prayers were answered after 7 days.

Prayer, patience. Worth doing, worth waiting for.

Bless the Broken Road

2008-11-22T07:59:00.000-05:00

I set out on the narrow way many years ago, hoping I would find true love along the broken road. I got lost a time or two, wiped my brow, kept pushing through. I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you. Every long lost dream led me to where you are. Others who broke my heart, they were just Northern stars pointing me on my way into your loving arms. This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you. I think about the years I spent just passing through. I'd like to find the time I lost and give it back to you. You just smile and take my hand, you've been there, you understand. It's all part of a greater plan that is coming true. Every long lost dream led me to where you are. Others who broke my heart, they were just Northern stars pointing me on my way into your loving arms. This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you. Now I'm just running home into your loving arms. This much I know, I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you. God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.

As I read the lyrics to this song, I think about 2 things. First, my love affair with Jesus. Second, my love affair with my husband. As a child growing up, I was told that Jesus should be the first man in my life. How he could keep me safe along the broken roads of my life. When I got lost, he would push me through. His arms would always be open whenever I needed Him. As a little girl growing up, I dreamed of the man I would marry. How he could keep me safe along the broken roads of my life. When I got lost, he would walk beside me. His arms would always be open whenever I needed him. Throughout my life, one thing has remained constant - and that is the love of Jesus Christ. No matter how far I've strayed from the path, or how broken the road, He was always there waiting for me. I've been lost and I've been found. I haven't always had my husband to walk with me, nor will I forever. But Jesus has been with me since the beginning. He has walked with me and continues to walk with me along life's broken roads. When my life has been at its hardest, Jesus has been the one I've walked with, held hands with. When my heart has been broken, Jesus has been the one I've turned to for healing, for comfort. And although I will never fully understand why life does what it does, I will always love Jesus as the first man in my life. His love is constant and steadfast, unlike any other.

When the road is broken, and you just don't think you can take one more step - keep going. Jesus will smile and take your hand. For no one knows how far the breaks in the road go, but him. He walked down the most broken road of all, and loved us every step of the way...

May your broken road be a blessing... that leads you straight into Jesus' arms.

I Can Only Imagine

2008-10-31T21:05:00.000-04:00

I can only imagine what it will be like when I walk by your side. I can only imagine what my eyes will see when your face is before me. I can only imagine. Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel? Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still? Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine. I can only imagine when that day comes, and I find myself standing in the Son. I can only imagine when all I will do, is
forever, forever worship You. I can only imagine. (I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me)

I can only wait. I can only wait for my time to come when I will walk by Jesus' side. I'm not ready to go just yet, though. There are still SO MANY THINGS for me left to do. My time on the earth is not yet complete. My God-given mission has not been found or determined - YET. At least, I don't think it has??? As for those that are walking with the Lord tonight, tomorrow, and all the days thereafter, what a joy, honor and privilege to be where they are right now. My grammie is there, as well as my other grandmother and both grandfathers. I was blessed in my life to have known, loved and been loved by all 4 of my grandparents. My grammie, though, will always hold the most special place in my heart. I remember when I was old enough, I used to spend the weekend with her at the "High Rise". We would go out to eat and then shopping with her friends, and play bingo or cards in the evenings. She taught me how to crochet and knit, and how to do plastic canvas... that woman could craft ANYTHING! (She made me Campbell Soup kid dolls, Raggedy Ann & Andy dolls, and some you wouldn't believe... Mom, remember Uglina? the nylon doll with the curly hair? - I have them all!) As for me, I just started learning to knit again a few years ago (thank You Don for buying me the book), but I haven't been able to keep up with it. Up until the Prayer Shawl Ministry started, I wasn't ready to give up the couple milk crates of yarn I had been holding onto for the past 10 years. The yarn was my grammie's and I loved it all, and the memories it evoked.

It's hard to let go of those who have left us behind and the things they left behind for us. I kept boxes and boxes of my Grammie's craft things because I wasn't ready to part with them just yet. I would sit down and just go through them remembering all the fun we used to have doing one craft or another. Or just remembering being in her apartment and the menial things we used to do - like cleaning her room, or winding her old mantel clock. I remember she had this old Contour chair and I spent many a night sleeping on it, much to her dismay! How she would make me lumpy mashed potatoes (from scratch, of course) with lots and lots of butter. And that woman could make a mean chocolate fudge! The best I've ever had. On this All Saints Day, take the time to remember the good and the bad times with those you've loved and lost. For some, the loss is so recent. For others, it may be years, but it feels like yesterday... Take the time to imagine how they are walking and talking by Jesus' side. Are they holding hands? Are they laughing out loud? Are they on their knees praying? Are they singing Hallelujah at the tops of their lungs? I can only imagine...

The Measure of A Man

2008-10-25T08:29:00.000-04:00

This world can analyze and size you up, and throw you on the scales. They can IQ you and run you through their rigorous details. They can do their best to rate you, and they'll place you on their charts. And then back it up with scientific smarts. Bur there's more to what your worth, than what their human eyes can see. Oh I say the measure of a man is not how tall you stand, how wealthy or intelligent you are. Cause I found out the measure of a man God knows and understands. For He looks inside to the bottom of your heart and what's in the heart defines he measure of a man. Well you can doubt your worth and search for who you are and where you stand, but God made you in His image when He formed you in his hands. And He looks at you with mercy and He sees you through His love. You're His child and that will always be enough for there's more to what you're worth than you could ever comprehend. You can spend your life pursuing physical perfection. There is so much more, more than ever meets the eye. For God looks through the surface and He defines your worth by, what is on the inside. ("The Measure of A Man" by 4Him)

I attended a Memorial Service yesterday for a man I had never met. I went to support my friends in their time of grief and loss. I didn't expect to cry, to laugh, or to feel as if I had lost someone as well, but I did. As I listened to the stories of this man as related by his sister-in-law, the shared times of his brother, son, daughter, and granddaughter, I caught a very small glimpse of what this man was like. I was moved to tears by the accounts of this man who was now spending eternity with Jesus. As I listened to the brief account of this man's life, there was no mention of what kind of house he lived in, what kind of car he drove or how much money he made. Those weren't the important things that he should have been remembered by, nor were they. He was remembered as a loving husband, father, uncle and grandfather. He was remembered as a man who loved the outdoors - to fish and to hunt. He was remembered as the big brother that took his younger brother to see Air Force One hidden underneath blankets in the back of a truck. He was remembered as the grandfather that attended the Military Ball and surprised his granddaughter. He was remembered by the man he WAS on the inside, NOT the things he had on the outside.

As we go through life, it's important to remember that how we respond and relate to other people is so much more important than the material things we possess or don't possess. When we go to heaven, our personal possessions don't come with us. They are left behind for other people to handle, dispose of, etc. Rather, it's what's in our heart and soul that presents itself to God the Father. He knows every day of our living life who we are and what we are. He knows what's in our hearts and our souls. He can see beyond the makeup, the fancy clothes, the expensive car, and the big house. He can see beyond the empty refrigerator, the torn clothing, the non-existent bank account. He knows whether or not we love Him, whether or not we are angry with Him, whether or not we are telling the truth. He knows it all. What do the people around us know? Do they know how we feel about God? about them? about others? Does the way we live our life show people that we are more than just what's on the outside? Do we live our life the way that God sees us - with mercy and love?

We are the Body

2008-10-18T00:12:00.001-04:00

It's crowded in worship today. As she slips in trying to fade into the faces. The girl's teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know. Farther than they know. But if we are the body, why aren't His arms reaching? Why aren't His hands healing? Why aren't His words teaching? And if we are the body, why aren't His feet going? Why is His love not showing them there is a way? There is a way. A traveler is far away from home. He sheds his coat and quietly sinks into the back row. The weight of their judgmental glances tells him that his chances are better out on the road. But if we are the body, why aren't His arms reaching? Why aren't His hands healing? Why aren't His words teaching? And if we are the body, why aren't His feet going? Why is His love not showing them there is a way? There is a way.Jesus payed much too high a price for us to pick and choose who should come. And we are the body of Christ. Jesus is the way. (We Are The Body - Casting Crowns)

Jesus - Alive and in Persons. If you haven't driven by the church this week, that's the message posted on the display out front. I wonder if Dan knew when he chose that saying that the message this week was going to be - "We are the church; the body of Christ; the church's one foundation." I wonder if he knew how many things were going on at the church this weekend that are a direct reflection of that statement: Jesus - Alive and in Persons. I wonder if he knew that we all need that reminder every now and then?

Did you know that this weekend is the 3rd & 4th grade Bible sleepover. Thank you Mel & Jill for spending your Friday evening and Saturday morning with our children. You are a blessing and we Thank God for you. Did you know that the Friendship Team will be making soup Saturday morning beginning @ 8 a.m. to deliver to the friends they have been spending time with? Thank you Friendship Team for your wonderful gift of ministry to those who are unable to spend regular Saturday or Sunday worship time with us, their brothers and sisters in Christ. Thank God for you. Did you know that the Pig Roast is tomorrow evening? Have you bought your tickets? You can buy them at the door if you haven't! Thank you to all the people that have or will have baked pies, made cookies, cakes, cooked anything, sold tickets, made posters, etc. for the Pig Roast. Did you know that there are several women spending a weekend in fellowship at Olmsted Manor this weekend, sharing stories, laughter, and maybe even some tears together? Thank you to the women who are participating and the families that have shared their wives, sisters, mothers, daughters with other wives, sisters, mothers and daughters for a special weekend. Thank God for you. Did you know that Youth Group meets on Sunday evenings? Thank you Cherie for your gift of service to our youth. What an inspiration you are!

I know there are many other things going on this weekend that I don't know about, or forgot to mention. What's important is the message we're sending as a church, as Christians: Jesus - Alive and in Persons. We are the Church. We are the Body. We are the Church's Foundation. May our arms reach out to others in need, in love, in fellowship. May our hands reach out with compassion, with friendship, and with healing. May our words be spoken loud and clear to teach, to console, to express concern and caring. May our feet always move in the direction that Jesus is taking us - even if we don't feel like it's the right way. May our love show everyone that there is a way because WE ARE THE BODY and JESUS IS ALIVE IN EACH OF US.

Today is a NEW DAY!

2008-10-10T11:51:00.000-04:00

Have you ever doubted what you're made of? Have you ever fed your fear? Have you ever seemed disconnected? Has your laughter ever turned to tears? It's alright, it's alright. You're not the only one. Have you ever made a silly faux pas? Or kissed another dream goodbye? Have you ever found out when time ran out, You needed one more try? Oh yeah, it's OK, God brings in a brand new day. Another chance, another choice. Another hope, another possibility. All right, OK, no more time for yesterday. Open your eyes and you'll find, it's a new day, it's a brand new day. So wake up, wake up from your bad dream. Ooo, you gotta clear your head. There is opportunity knocking when you're hanging by a thread. It's alright, a new sun's gonna rise! Oh yeah, come on! No more fear, it's a new day. No more worry, it's a new day. No more doubt, it's a new day. Just believe it, it's a new day! It doesn't matter where your life has been. Just trust in Him. And let a new day begin, come on! Alright, OK. Don't you worry bout yesterday. It doesn't matter what you've done wrong. It's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone. Everything's gonna be alright. Another chance, another try. Open your eyes cause the sun is about to shine. Open your eyes and you'll find... it's a new day, it's a new day. It's a new day, come on, come on. It's a new day, it's a new day. It's a new day, come on, come on. It's a new day, come on! (Joy Williams "New Day")

I really HATE going to bed at night. Sometimes, I'll stay up late just so I can do that extra load of laundry, or wash the dishes, or check my e-mail, or try and do one of the other 101 things I didn't get done that day. Sometimes, I'll just stay up and BE. Just do nothing. Sit on a chair and veg in front of the TV. But, when I really start to think about it, I know that after I go to bed, and when I wake up, I will have a whole NEW DAY ahead of me. A day full of time to do the things done I didn't get to yesterday. Who besides me really cares if I don't finish that load of laundry? Who besides me cares if I the dishes sit for one night? Who besides me cares if I don't check my e-mail every 10 minutes! No one! My family cares that I am spending time with them much rather than running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get things done. (I'm known to do that.) I know that each day is a NEW DAY. Each day is a BRAND NEW DAY full of exciting opportunities! A day full of new things - the changing colors on the trees, the birth of a baby bird, the new bud on a flower, the fresh smell of rain on the grass... And I can't spend every day worrying about the "what if's"? What if the laundry basket gets full? What if the dishes pile up? What if I don't get the vacuuming done? What if? What if? What if? Today, like every day, is a NEW DAY and I intend on starting each one with a clean slate.

Every day, no matter what you didn't get done yesterday, that was yesterday and what's done is done, and that's OK. Every day no matter what you feel on the inside, God loves you. Every day, no matter what you see on the outside, the sun does rise. Every day, no matter what problems you carry with you, God is walking beside you on your journey. Every day is a NEW DAY and you can do anything!

Today and every day is a NEW DAY. How are you going to celebrate TODAY?

Where does it hurt?

2008-10-03T23:32:00.002-04:00

I'm down on my knees again tonight. I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right. See there is a boy that needs Your help. I've done all that I can do myself. His mother is tired. I'm sure You can understand. Each night as he sleeps, she goes in to hold his hand, and she tries not to cry as the tears fill her eyes. Can You hear me? Am I getting through tonight? Can You see him? Can You make him feel all right? If You can hear me, let me take his place somehow. See, he's not just anyone, he's my son. Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep. I dream of the boy he'd like to be. I try to be strong and see him through, but God who he needs right now is You. Let him grow old, live life without this fear. What would I be living without him here. He's so tired and he's scared. Let him know that You're there. Can You hear me? Can You see him? Please don't leave him, he's my son. (Mark Schultz song - "He's My Son")

I was born with a hole in my heart, more specifically - an Atrial Septal Defect (ASD). An ASD is a type of congenital heart defect in which there is an abnormal opening in the dividing wall between the upper filling chambers of the heart. In most cases ASD's are diagnosed and treated successfully with few or no complications. My hole was found early on by my pediatrician (Dr. Silverstein) and when I was five years old, I had open-heart surgery to repair the hole. (Thank you Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh!) During my time in the hospital, (I don't remember how long I was there, maybe several days?), I remember lots of little things - the taste of "cotton" in my mouth as I was "going to sleep" before my operation. Wearing socks to bed for some strange reason. Playing with some of the other little girls who were in the same wing as I was. This cute little yellow pajama set I wore while I was there that had cheerleaders on it. The newspaper coming to take my picture, and that I was fine until I saw my parents through the window of my room door and then I went berserk! I remember that I couldn't see my brother because he was too young, at 11. I remember this yellow stuffed dachshund dog the doctors and nurses signed before I left, as well as everyone I could find to share it with at home when I got back. I held on to that dog for a long time. I cherished that dog. I remember all those things. If you ask my mom or dad, I'm sure they would remember a lot more, different things, things difficult for a parent to remember, not because of the time that has passed, but because of the memories themselves. The one memory that I know both my parents could tell you about, that I didn't find out until much later, is that one time when my dad asked if anything hurt, I told him... my heart hurt. My heart hurt. I don't know if I had just come out of surgery or was going in, but to have your 5-year old child tell you that their "heart hurt" had to have been one of the most excruciating things in the world for my dad to hear. I don't know. I just don't know what I would have done. Got down on my knees and prayed? Walked away so they wouldn't see the tears streaming down my face? Screamed and yelled because I was totally helpless to do anything to make the hurt go away? I just don't know.

I don't always know "where it hurts" when one of my own children does get hurt. I don't always know how to make the hurt go away. I don't always react the way I should, because sometimes there are no words, nothing to do or say that will make the hurt any better, except time and an ice pack if that's what is needed. Sometimes, my girls can't tell me where it hurts, or how it hurts, just that it does. Isn't that good enough? To know that they're hurting and that they need you. And somehow, just somehow, you need to make the pain GO AWAY. What can I do to make this sometimes invisible pain go away? Tell my children how much I love them. Hold them until the tears stop. Pray. Pray to God that even though I don't know what kind of pain they have, or even where it is, that He does and that He can make them feel better. We can't always make the hurt go away, and we can't always tell someone else "where it hurts". But, God knows. He knows every hurt that we've had. He knows why we're hurting, where we're hurting and how long we've been hurting. Don't be afraid to tell God "where it hurts" and to let Him heal you...

Are you in there?

2008-09-27T16:22:00.003-04:00

"Is the face that I see in the mirror the one I want others to see? Do I show in the way that I walk in my life, the love that you've given to me? My heart's desire is to be like you in all that I do, all I am. Do they see Jesus in me? Do they recognize your face? Do I communicate your love and your grace? Do I reflect who you are in the way I choose to be? Do they see Jesus, Jesus in me? Well it's amazing that you'd ever use me, but use me the way you will. Help me to hold out hearts of compassion and grace. A heart that your Spirit fills. May I show forgiveness and mercy, the same way you've shown it to me. Do they see Jesus in me? Do they recognize your face? Do I communicate your love and your grace? Do I reflect who you are in the way I choose to be? Do they see Jesus in me? Well I want to show all the world that You are the reason I live and breathe. So You'll be the one that they see when they see me. Do they see Jesus in me? Do they recognize your face? Do I communicate your love and your grace? Do I reflect who you are in the way I choose to be? Oh, do they see Jesus in me?" (Joy Williams song)

I remember as a child, I used to have a full-length mirror in my room mounted on the wall by my closet. When I would play "dress-up", I would stand there and look at myself all dolled up in my "costumes". As I would get dressed for school, I would twist and turn to see how I looked at every angle. I used to pucker my lips and pretend I was kissing a really cute boy. I used to look at myself and see all the imperfections; all the things I didn't like about myself. Most of all, I used to put on my mom's wedding dress and dream about the day I would wear it for my wedding (and did). I didn't look for Jesus in my mirror. I didn't think about my reflection being Jesus-like at all. At the time, I was more concerned about how I "looked on the outside", not if others saw "Jesus in me".

As I've grown (in height and years), I know now that I should have been more concerned with what others saw "in me" than how I "looked on the outside". It's not easy, though. For as much as I'd like it to always be Jesus' face when people look at me, it's not always the face that they see. I get angry with my husband, my children, and other people, and Jesus' face is NOT what they see. I lose my patience and yell at my husband, my children, and other people, and Jesus' face is NOT what they see. I make mistakes and say things I shouldn't and Jesus' face is NOT what people see. However, I hope that when I tell/show my husband, my children, and my friends that I love/appreciate/respect them, that they see Jesus' face projected through me. I hope when I write these weekly offerings, that Jesus' face is evident in me; at least evident that He's working IN me. Jesus is in each one of us. And it's important that we let others see that. But most of all it's important that WE SEE JESUS IN OURSELVES.

It's Not Fair

2008-09-20T17:32:00.004-04:00

(This one's for you, mom...)
A very old man lay dying on his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world as a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. "Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."

IT'S JUST NOT FAIR. No, it's not. Life isn't fair. No one ever said it would be. Jesus didn't die on the cross for us because it was "fair". He died for us because of his amazing love for us. Is it fair that some people have everything, while others have nothing? Is it fair, that when the power went out on Sunday night (during the Steelers game, mind you), that although we had power back by late Monday afternoon, our neighbors just a few hundred yards down the street, didn't have theirs back until today? No, it's not. Is it fair that all the little kids get picked last for kickball in gym class? Or, that in high school, if you're not part of the "popular crowd", you just don't belong. No, it's not. Is it fair that when you're lying on your death bed, and your wife makes your favorite chocolate chip cookies, you can't even have just one? No, it's not.

Do you know what IS fair? Doing something with all of you - heart, mind, and soul regardless of when you're picked, or what crowd you belong to. What's fair is playing the game of life as best you can regardless of the cards you've been given to play with. We don't have a choice who are mothers/fathers are going to be (or who they're NOT going to be); we don't get to choose if we're going to be short or tall, blond or brunette, black or white, or what color our eyes are going to be. We don't get to choose if we're going to get cancer, or Alzheimer's, or any of the other diseases that make us question "Why me?". We don't get to choose who's going to die or who's going to live. Those are things we don't get to choose. But, we do get to choose to live each moment as if it were our last. To live for today, and every moment that's in it. That's fair. We have been given the most amazing opportunity by our Savior, Jesus Christ, to do it RIGHT and to the BEST of our ability. We've been given LIFE. And in that life, we've been given 365 days every year; 24 hours every day; 60 minutes every hour; 60 seconds every minute for an unknown length of time. And even though I don't know how many days/hours/minutes/seconds I have left, I'd say that I have a fair amount of time to tell my husband how much I love him at least once every day. I love you, Don, even more than the day I first fell in love with you. I'd say that I have a fair amount of time to tell my girls how proud I am of who they are, and what they are becoming right before my eyes. Allison & Ava, I am so proud that God has blessed me to be your mother. And even more proud to watch as you learn about and love Jesus more and more with each passing day. I'd say that I have a fair amount of time to spend just 10 minutes alone every day with my thoughts in prayer. I'd say that I have a fair amount of time to spend 30 seconds to say "Thank you" to those who have been instrumental in helping me become the woman I am today - Mom and Dad, Gramma Bentley, and God to name just a few. I'd say that I have enough time to know that although not everything in life is fair, I can do my best to make what I've been given - fair enough for me.

You can't judge a book by its cover

2008-09-14T20:03:00.000-04:00

I LOVE to read. I LOVE to read EVERYTHING. Mysteries, science fiction, inspirational, non-fiction, fiction, romance, drama, you name it. There aren't many books I won't read. But you know which ones I enjoy the most - Reader's Digest Condensed Books. First of all, there are 4 books all together in one handy-dandy book! How great is that? Secondly, if you take the cover off the book, all you see is a plain, hard cover. No indication of what's inside. No titles, no authors. No preconceived notion of what type of story(ies) you're going to be reading. Because it's Reader's Digest, you know the books inside are going to be really good, things you can sink your teeth into. But, if you look at the cover without the dust flap - it's just another book. No frills, no thrills. No indication if you're going to find a murder-mystery to the tune of Agatha Christie, or perhaps a law story by John Grisham. Or, maybe a great adventure down a winding river in a raft and the hero gets tossed overboard, and... You don't know what you're going to get until you get past the outside plain, hard cover. You just don't know. You know the old saying, "You can't judge a book by its cover."

The same is true of course, for people. I'll never forget the first day of registration for Marching Band at Slippery Rock. My parents were with me and when I gave my name and high school at the registration table, the girls' faces lit up and they said how excited they were I was there. I felt great, at first. I was already accepted by these people and the only thing they knew about me was my name, what instrument I played and where I went to high school. The only thing was, it wasn't great, not at all. They didn't know ME. They didn't bother at that first introduction to take off my dust jacket to see what was underneath. They didn't know who or what I was under the high school I came from, or the instrument I played; they knew me for what they saw on the outside. They didn't know how I felt to be there, in a strange place, with strange people, virtually all alone. They were only excited to meet me because they knew the school I came from had a strong competition marching band and a great band instructor. They had pre-judged me based on the colorful high school cover I had wrapped around me. At that first introduction, no one bothered to look beneath the dust jacket to see the soft, plain cover of the real me underneath.

We are so quick to judge people based on the outside cover that they wear, that we often miss out on opportunities to meet amazing people. We've all done it. We're not perfect. We're not supposed to be. Only God is perfect and He knows we're still learning. So, the next time you walk into a book store, instead of looking at the covers on the books, go to the section you like, whatever it is, and just pick up a book and start reading. Ignore the cover, ignore the author, just grab a book, open it up and start reading. You don't even have to start at the beginning. You may find you don't like it at all, or you may find that you love it and don't want to put it down. No matter what happens, at least you have taken the time to look beyond the dust jacket and see what's truly important - the content inside...

Broken and Beautiful

2008-09-07T20:05:00.000-04:00

Several months ago while putting together the media for this service, I stumbled upon this blog www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com through a different website I was looking at www.selahonline.com (Christian band - tremendous music/tremendous group. We have several cd's that we'll loan you if you'd like to hear them - just ask. Or, you can find them on youtube - Selah) Anyway, this blog drew me in completely and immediately. I'm not one for reading people's thoughts online, but I have become addicted to this one. The writer is the wife of one of the members of Selah and she shares a very personal journey about her life and the struggles she's gone through/continues to go through after the death of their youngest child who died 2 hours after birth this past April. And most recently, the loss of their 3-month old nephew to SIDS.

In one of her blogs, "The Past and the Pitcher" she talks about how in one of her "books on grieving the loss of a child, the author suggests smashing a piece of pottery as a form of therapy." Not quite sure why, she broke the pitcher, on her front porch, at 10 o'clock at night... Afterwards, God spoke to her and told her to put it back together again. So she did. As she started putting the pitcher back together again, (imagine a porcelain pitcher shattered, jagged edges pricking at your fingers, no idea where to begin, all those pieces), she talks about how she started thinking about her past and the mistakes she made and still regrets. Things she thought she had forgotten about, but had only buried for a time. As she was putting the pitcher back together, she "began to realize that this pitcher was my life, and every piece was part of a story that He had chosen to put together."... "Every nook and cranny whispered to me, until at last it stood in all its imperfection." She was now mended and filled with His spirit.

I can't imagine the time it took to put that pitcher back together again. I don't know that I could have done it. I do know that I was crying uncontrollably as I was reading about it because I've been there - broken and in jagged pieces. Have you? Have you been broken and then put back together again by someone who cared enough to take their time, to share their love and healing touch? It's a wonderful thing. It's a beautiful thing. It's an awakening. It's a chance for a new beginning.
Each of our lives is one big pitcher - full of cracks and sometimes broken in a thousand pieces. The thing is, there is always someone there to help us put the pieces back together again. His name is Jesus. He will never let us forget how beautiful and worthy we are even in our brokenness. He will help us to put the pieces back together and move on, move forward. He knows where all the cracks and breaks came from, and it's okay because He loves you. He died for you. When your pitcher is broken, don't think of it as just another break, but an opportunity to begin anew. Let each gap in your pitcher be a reminder that "there is the potential for more of Himself revealed in you." Let each piece be a reminder that you've been given a fresh start and He will be with you each and every time you are broken and beautiful.

Getting out of my way

2008-08-31T20:07:00.000-04:00

I can't tell you how hard it has been to write tonight. I've started and stopped. I've cut and pasted. I've deleted only to undo. I can't seem to make any thoughts clear in my head. Why am I having such a hard time writing "It's not about me". Maybe because there are times (sometimes more often than not), when I feel that it is "all about me". For 23 years, I was Tiffany Anne Bentley, daughter, sister, friend, healer, consoler, listener, swimmer, musician, designer, burger-flipper, editor, designated driver, babysitter, etc. For the past 11 years, I have been Mrs. Tiffany Anne (Bentley) Boardman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, healer, consoler, designer, sitter, creator, writer, head and shoulders, knees and toes. Who am I? And why can't it be all about me? Because, it's not all about me. There are people I've met in 34 years that have needed different things from Tiffany Anne Bentley Boardman. They have needed their wife, their mother, their daughter, their sister, their friend. They have needed their listener, their burger-flipper, their designated driver. They have needed me, or various parts of me. The good and the bad parts of me.

It's not about me. It's about giving of myself so others can see/feel/touch/smell the love of someone who has saw/felt/touched/smelled the love of God. It's about the people around me that I interact with every day. It's the people I pass by on the street, on the road. It's the people whose names I once knew, but have since forgotten. It's for the friends I've lost, and the new ones I've made. It's for those who I will never meet, but know that their lives have been touched because of something I've helped to do for them. It's about God. It's about Jesus. I live with myself because deep down inside, I know I don't always put me first. Often times, I am the last person I think about. I know that sounds cliché, and probably self-righteous, but when I exercise, I wait until the girls and Don have gone to bed so I can spend more time with them. When I sit down to write, I do it after the girls and Don have gone to bed (most of the time), so I can spend more time with them. I'm certainly not a saint, nor am I proclaiming to be. I do stay up late for selfish reasons, too. When everyone's gone to bed there are no pressures, no interruptions. I can sit and type, play games, pray, talk to myself and I don't have to think about anyone else. I can have that bowl of ice cream with chocolate syrup and peanut butter and only have to face the guilt of myself. It's not about me. It's about how God uses me.

Just do it... and see what happens

2008-08-24T20:07:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting to lose a few extra pounds (okay, 20 extra pounds) for the past 4 years (See my darling Ava - now 4 years old!). I've prayed, I've begged, I've cried, I've walked, I've laughed, I've bought bigger clothes! Nothing! I haven't lost any weight! Not surprised, are you? Me either. So, one day a few months ago, May maybe, I decided to do something about it. I started to... Exercise! That dirty little word we all dread to hear, dread to say, dread to do. E - X - E - R - C - I - S - E. There, I've said it and spelled it for you! Do you know what's happened/happening - I've lost a few pounds. My clothes are starting to fit better, my body's starting to tone. I am seeing results. I have been exercising 4-6 days a week on the Nordic Track and doing Tae-Bo (remember Billy Blanks and his fitness craze a few years ago? A little kick-boxing, regular boxing, aerobics...) since May. It's driving me crazy let me tell you, because I do not want to have to wait to lose 20 pounds. I don't like to wait for anything. (You will not find my name under "PATIENCE" in the dictionary.) Guess what, though - I've found that I actually - dare I actually write these words down for future use against me - ENJOY it! Shhh, don't tell anyone!!! I have actually found that I enjoy exercising and I miss it when I'm not able to do it.

Waiting around for the weight to come off just wasn't cutting it. Telling myself how badly I wanted to lose the weight didn't do it. Sitting around on my bum watching TV every night wasn't doing it. Looking in the mirror every morning at myself didn't do it - although it did scare me on most occasions! Eating chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner didn't do it. So, I had to "Just do something and see what happens."

Remember "Action speaks louder than words." The same goes for our lives, if we want something to happen, we can't just sit around and wait for it to happen on its own. We can't will it to happen, we can't expect someone else to make it happen for us. We need to "Just do something and see what happens."

Great is your faith

2008-08-17T20:09:00.001-04:00

A few years ago, while at Creation, Don & I were visiting the many vendors and stopped at "Remember Me". They sell charms, necklaces, rings, earrings, etc. The first time I was there, I bought a charm called "I Know". If you look sometime around my neck, you'll see it there on a silver chain. It's kind of funny looking, like a flame in a jar. What it really is is a tear in God's bottle and it represents His compassion. The writing included with the charm says this: "He captures each tear that drips down your face, and tenderly places them into His bottle. When you cry, you are not alone. When you think no one could possibly understand the pain you feel...He knows. He is right there beside you, collecting those precious drops. A weary mind, tears you sow down your cheek the pain it flows tattered...on your knees you go He'll hold your face and say, "I Know". If you've ever seen me in church on a Sunday morning, you'll see that I shed many, many tears. The thing is, I know that He knows...

Most recently at Creation this year, I bought another charm from Remember Me. This one is a hand with a cross cut out of the palm and its name is "Believe". The writing with the symbol says "This symbol represents child-like faith. Fear not, only Believe. Do not doubt, extend your hand, touch my own, you'll understand I've been here, lovingly real despite the questions that you feel like a child. Trust in ME to lead and guide continually, I'll never go, I'll never leave. All you need is to believe." I was immediately drawn to this symbol because I so often feel like my faith is child-like - complete, innocent and pure. Although I do have questions, my love and faith are stronger than my fears. Although I may not always trust in Him to lead, I have felt His guidance in my life. Just recently, it seemed like everything was going wrong, and I couldn't foresee the end. It wasn't that I was having major problems, but just lots of little problems all at once (I know you've all been there, and some of you are probably there now). However, even in those struggles, I never let go of my faith. I didn't question "Why me", although I often wanted to. I did shed many tears into His bottle, and prayed many prayers, but most importantly, I extended my hand, asked for guidance and Believed with the innocence of a child that He would get me through. He did.

Out of the boat

2008-08-10T20:09:00.000-04:00

If you've ever gone canoeing, you know how awkward it can be getting into and out of the canoe. First of all, you're standing on this dock that is constantly moving because it's just floating in the water. Then, the canoe you're trying to get into is below the dock's ledge and you have to step down to get into it. (All the while, the dock and the canoe are just floating in the water and you have NO stability whatsoever). You have a bulky life jacket on, an oar in one hand and you're trying to keep the canoe from drifting away from the dock so you don't end up "kerplunk" in the water. All the while, the people on shore are laughing at what a spectacle you are making of yourself. Not to mention the people on the dock who are cheering you on this whole time (and they call themselves your "friends")...
Finally, you get settled in and you're off! On the water, the waves have settled into a dull ripple, and the wind is just a soft breeze lightly tousling your hair. The sun's warmth is on your face and you are basking in the glory of it all. Oh, what a beautiful day! There's nothing better than being on the water where no one can reach you. All your troubles melt away and it's just you and your thoughts. For a while, everything is calm and peaceful and you're having a wonderful day, but as all things do, they must come to an end. You see storm clouds in the distance and you know you need to get back to shore.
The only problem is - how are you going to get out of this boat you had so much trouble getting into? The same way you got in, with grace, dignity, a lot of laughter, and most importantly, help from your friends.
No matter how awkward the boat you find yourself in, how rough the storm appears, know that Jesus as your friend will be there to guide you to safety and OUT OF THE BOAT. Like Peter did, we often ask Jesus to command us to GET OUT OF THE BOAT into life's toughest battles, then we lose our faith and ask Jesus to save us again and again. When are we going to just GET OUT OF THE BOAT without asking Jesus to command us? We already know that He will NEVER leave us alone in the choppy waters to drown. He is our best friend and He will get us SAFELY OUT OF THE BOAT.

Changes and Chances

2007-09-30T20:11:00.000-04:00

Have you ever worked those puzzles where you were given a word and then you had to make as many other words as you could? For example - CHANGE. If I were to break CHANGE down, I come up with the following words:
CHANGE HANG CAN NAG AN HE HA

Can you find any words I missed? Now, what if I CHANGE 1 letter in CHANGE and make it CHANCE? The meaning of the word has literally CHANGED. Funny isn't it, how sometimes just CHANGing 1 thing, can actually CHANGE everything.

Think about your spiritual journey. How has it CHANGED since you accepted Christ? Have you taken CHANCES or made CHANGES? Maybe you've done neither, or maybe you've done both? Maybe you aren't really sure what you've done... For me, I have taken CHANCES and made CHANGES. Most recently, I took a CHANCE becoming a Sunday School Teacher with my husband, Don. We've been teaching now for 5 years. This experience has and continues to CHANGE my life. (Try spending 36 hours locked in a church with 13 5th and 6th graders stuck in rocking chairs. They have been some of the best 36 hours I've ever experienced!) I took a CHANCE when I started writing these weekly muses of mine. I never knew what a CHANGE they would make in my spiritual journey. Making CHANGES and taking CHANCES doesn't have to be all at once. Try doing it one letter at a time...

Walk with me...

2007-09-14T20:21:00.002-04:00

Oftentimes we find ourselves on a road that leads to different paths, and we don't know which direction to take. To the left, the road is bumpy and needs repair. The trees are overgrown, and there is no sunlight shining through. To the right, the road is flat and long stretching out into nothingness. The ground is barren and depressing. The sun beats down from overhead. Which way do you choose? Which path is the right one? Is there no one that will go on this journey with you? You can't make this decision alone... you am tired and depressed. You have lost your teacher, your mentor, your best friend to a brutal killing that he didn't deserve. Which way do you go? How will you ever recover? You sit down in the middle of the road and bow your head in despair. You are lost. You are alone. You are afraid...
After a time, you feel a presence, a hand on your shoulder. You look up and there is a person beside you, reaching out his hand to help you up. Come, what are you so troubled about? Walk with me, the way is not long. I will go with you down whichever road you choose. I am not afraid. The road is long, but we can make it together.
You begin to tell this man of your troubles, how you have lost your best friend. Your way seems unclear and you have nothing left to give. The man speaks to you and it is only then that you can open your eyes and see who it is walking beside you - it is your friend. The one who you thought you had lost. He is RISEN as he said he would. You know you will NEVER be alone again, no matter what the road you choose...

Come on in.

2007-08-23T20:23:00.000-04:00

What is the first thing people say to you when you walk into church? What about when you walk into a department store, or grocery store? Do they say anything at all? Do they have a big smile on their face and they just can't wait to greet you, so they walk towards you with their arms outstretched ready to greet you? Maybe they are just standing there and you know they really don't want to be there at all, but they have to. Do you even notice if there is someone to greet you when you walk into a restaurant or church, or are you too preoccupied with the list in your hand, the children at your side, and the time on the clock to pay attention?
What we say to someone the moment they walk into our place can affect their whole attitude the remainder of their stay with us. You certainly don't greet people who come to your home with a frown and a gruff tone of voice - "Come in. The house is a mess. We knew you were coming, but didn't care to clean up." Or, do you welcome people into your home with a smile and a cheerful tone - "Come on in. We've taken care of everything! We're so glad you could make it. Please make yourself comfortable and at home. We've made some snacks."
What welcoming words would make you want to come in and would help to set the tone for the visit. Think about how you greet people when they come to church. Do your words and actions make them want to stay, or turn around and run right out the door?

Welcome Basket

2007-08-16T20:26:00.000-04:00

A little over 10 years ago, Don & I moved to Butler and rented a little one bedroom house on Carrington Avenue. Shortly after moving in, a friendly neighbor dropped by and presented us with a "Welcome Basket". Inside were gift certificates for local restaurants, hair salons, a map of Butler and places of interest, as well as a variety of flyers and brochures. (Not to mention the homemade goodies!) The Welcome Basket made us both feel so good. We were fairly new to Butler as we didn't grow up around here and only met while attending Slippery Rock University. This Welcome Basket made us feel at home in our new place, and welcome in our new neighborhood.

I look back on that Welcome Basket and think if only everyone were always that nice to others. What if we gave a "Welcome Basket" to people that came to our church (visitors and members alike)? I'm not talking a real basket full of gift certificates and homemade goodies, but a Welcome Basket of Love. A basket filled with joy and happiness. A basket filled with an open invitation to experience the love of a community of God's children. A basket that lets people know we are interested in getting to know them, and sharing our community of faith. A basket to let people know that we are "Loving People, Loving God". Imagine if you were to receive a Welcome Basket of Love every time you walked into church or a restaurant, or a department store, or or or...

What does your label say?

2007-08-02T20:27:00.003-04:00

Do you know what's so great about those nutrition LABELS they put on foods? You know everything about what you're going to eat or drink, even if you've never tried it before! The LABEL tells you how healthy the item is, or how unhealthy the item is. The LABEL tells you how many servings are in the package, and how many calories you're going to consume. How many fat grams, and trans fats, and saturated fats you'll be ingesting. A LABEL gives you these scientific ingredients that half the people can't even pronounce! What are red dye # 7 and yellow dye # 4 anyway? And can you really believe that they put ACID in your food? Honestly!!
Isn't it a shame people don't come with LABELS? That would take all the guesswork out of knowing who you want to get-to-know better. Who wants to have an actual conversation with someone when they could just ask to see their LABELS? We could all carry around an ID card in our wallets that would have a full description of what's inside us. For example:

TIFFANY A. BOARDMAN -- PERSONAL LABELS
Serving Size - 5' 9" female
Servings per container - 1
Calories - None of your business, but more than enough to go around
Total Fat - Too much!
Age - 33
Eyes - Blue (wears contacts, NOT colored)
Hair - Brown, Medium length
Vitamins Amount/serving Total Fat Amount/serving
Laughter 22% Angry 25%
Unending Smiles 95% Grouchy 45%
Perky 70% Mean spirited 5%
Silly 60% Lack of smiles 5%
Funny 73% Depressed 45%
Good listener 75% Procrastinator 80%
Creative 90%
Employed 100%
Patient 25%
Married 100%
Big Heart 100%
Christian 100%
Mother 100%
Daughter 100%

Would you want to get to know me based on my LABELS alone? Don't worry, I won't have hard feelings. Throughout my life, I've met many people that have only looked at my outer LABELS (as I'm sure you have) and haven't taken the time to find out who I am on the inside. For me, I think it's much more interesting to actually have a conversation with someone, rather than just asking to see their LABELS. Just think of all the people you would miss out on meeting if you only saw them for what they were on the outside...

Duct tape

2007-07-19T20:29:00.000-04:00

Do you know what I love about duct tape? It holds anything and everything together. Have a leak in your plumbing, try some duct tape. Have a muffler with a hole in it, try some duct tape. Broken window in the back window of your car because your kids were throwing the baseball around and got a little too close - try duct tape! Who would think that something so simple and gray, like duct tape, could do so many amazing things? Duct tape, a simple, everyday household item that most people probably don't think to use when they need a fix.

Do you know what I love about Jesus? He holds anything and everything together. Have a bad day and you just can't seem to get out of the dumps, try talking to Jesus. Have a bad day at work and nothing seems to be going right, try talking to Jesus. Have a fight with your spouse or your children, or both, try talking to Jesus! Who would think that a simple carpenter that lived so long ago, is still in our hearts and minds today and can make such a difference in your life.

Lean on me

2007-07-05T20:30:00.000-04:00

"Some times in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow. But, if we are wise, we know that there's always tomorrow. Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on. For it won't be long, 'till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on. Please, swallow your pride, if I have made, you need to borrow. For no one can feel those of your needs, that you won't let show. You just call on your brother when you need a hand, we all need somebody to lean on. I just might have a problem that you'll understand, we all need some body to lean on. You just call on your brother, when you need a hand, we all need somebody to lean on. I just might have a problem that you'll understand. We all need someone to lean on. If, there is a load, that you have to bear, that you can't carry, I'm right up the road, I'll share your load, if you just call me."
You all know the song, but have you really paid attention to the words? So often times we hear a song and we like the beat, we like the tune, and we know all the words, but we don't think how they relate to our everyday Christian lives. This week, we'll explore how we share each other's burdens - LEAN ON ME. But, when do we say THAT'S ENOUGH! We ALL need to work on our own burdens, as well as helping our friends.

Bullhorn

2007-06-07T20:30:00.000-04:00

Perhaps you've heard them on the street -- proclaiming that if you don't repent, you're going to go to hell. Or maybe they said the "end is near, accept Jesus today!" Maybe they've even tried to hand you a pamphlet that reads "Jesus loves you" and it lists some scripture and possibly a doomsday warning. Maybe you were on a college campus and they were in the quad on a box, yelling at a crowd of people about how immoral they are and what they are doing to their lives. Maybe you said something back at them. Maybe you took the piece of paper they gave you just so you didn't have to hear them anymore, and then threw it out in the nearest garbage can (or you took it home and recycled it). Whatever you did or didn't do, how do you proclaim your faith to people that don't know you? How do you share God's love with those you don't know? How do you use your Bullhorn?

When you thought I wasn't looking...

2007-05-17T20:31:00.000-04:00

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust in God.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it and learned we have to take care of what we are given.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared and I wanted to be everything that I could be.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, "Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking."
(Written by a former child)

Earth Day

2007-05-03T20:32:00.000-04:00

Responding to widespread environmental degradation, Gaylord Nelson, a United States Senator from Wisconsin, called for an environmental teach-in, or Earth Day, to be held on April 22, 1970. Over 20 million people participated that year, and Earth Day is now observed each year on April 22 by more than 500 million people and national governments in 175 countries. Senator Nelson, an environmental activist, took a leading role in organizing the celebration, hoping to demonstrate popular political support for an environmental agenda. He modeled it on the highly effective Vietnam War protests of the time.

The concept of Earth Day was first proposed in a memo to JFK written by Fred Dutton. According to Santa Barbara, California Community Environmental Council: The story goes that Earth Day was conceived by Senator Gaylord Nelson after a trip he took to Santa Barbara right after that horrific oil spill off our coast in 1969. He was so outraged by what he saw that he went back to Washington and passed a bill designating April 22 as a national day to celebrate the earth.

Senator Nelson selected Denis Hayes, a Harvard University graduate student, as the National Coordinator of activities. Hayes said he wanted Earth Day to "bypass the traditional political process." The nationwide event included opposition to the Vietnam War on the agenda. Pete Seeger was a keynote speaker and performer at the event held in Washington DC. Paul Newman and Ali McGraw attended the event held in New York City.

Doubts?

2007-04-12T20:32:00.000-04:00

How often in the course of your life do you have DOUBTS? Doubts about meeting the right person, doubts about getting married, doubts about having enough money to raise your child(ren). Doubts about making the right choices each and every day with every decision you make. How about doubts about your faith? What is it that keeps us believing in God and coming to church on Sundays and living a Christian life each and every day? What is it that keeps us coming back for more, and reading more and more books on prayer, devotions, faith, God and Jesus? Why do we do it? What makes us believe? What makes us trust in God and that He will be there for us when we need Him, even though we can't see Him? In one five-letter word - FAITH. Our faith keeps us from doubting that God truly exists and that Jesus Christ died on the cross for us. Our faith keeps us strong and helps us to get through the difficult times when we DOUBT ourselves and the situations around us. Our faith helps to put our doubts in perspective. Never DOUBT your FAITH. Never DOUBT the power of God's love for you.

Happy Easter!

2007-04-05T20:33:00.000-04:00

If you're a gardener or a florist, you're probably pretty angry by this sudden change in the weather. We're supposed to be having moderately cool temperatures and rainy days, not snow and cold! I bet some of your plants had already started growing. Signs of spring in an otherwise bland landscape. Some of our flowers had just started blooming and then the snow hit. We also had other flowers with just the first hint of growth coming out of the ground. I wonder if they'll be strong enough to withstand the cold?

Have you ever planted a seed or a bulb, and watched its transformation as the days and weeks progressed? At first, nothing much seems to happen, the seed is planted, but the dirt is free of any seedlings. Then, one day you look and voila! a small bright spot of green has appeared out of the darkness and each day, that green gets taller and stronger and continues to grow. The darkness become smaller and smaller as the young flower starts to take hold and spread its joy all around. It's crucial in the beginning stages of a new plant to carefully tend it to see that it gets what it needs - water, food, love. (It's okay to talk to your seedling, really! They like it!!!) And don't think that after your seedling has become a beautiful flower that it doesn't need water, food, and love (and talking to). It does. As it grows, it needs nourishment, fulfillment. It needs You. As we celebrate this wonderful Easter Season, don't think for one minute that God doesn't need you. Let yourself be the seed, be planted, watered, fed and loved with His love and grace. Let God talk to you when you don't think you need it, and especially when you do. And when you feel yourself growing in His love, don't stop listening! Let Him continue to feed you with all that He has to offer. Let yourself grow into a beautiful flower and spread your seeds of love to others around you so they may know God's love as well. This Easter Season, let yourself grow into the beautiful flower that's inside of you...

I have a CONFESSION...

2007-03-15T20:34:00.000-04:00

I have a CONFESSION to make - I AM A CHOCOHOLIC!! Phew! I feel so much better now to get that off my chest! Not a day goes by that I don't have some kind of chocolate. I'm not talking that white chocolate either. Oh no, it's got to be milk chocolate or dark chocolate. White just doesn't cut it. I usually have a chocolate pop-tart for breakfast - chocolate fudge or S'mores or chocolate chip. I just picked up a new flavor yesterday - Hot Chocolate! Can you imagine? A Hot Chocolate flavored pop-tart??? What will they think of next!

Seriously though, it's not always easy to CONFESS about something you're addicted to, or something you've done. It's especially not easy to CONFESS in public, or to a stranger. It's even harder to CONFESS to a friend. But that's what we must do when we do something wrong, CONFESS to GOD. He will forgive us. He forgave us when Christ died for us on the cross. Remember that NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, God will forgive you. You only need CONFESS to Him and ask Him to forgive you. He loves you, NO MATTER WHAT.

Thirsting for God

2007-03-08T20:34:00.000-05:00

"I don’t need a lot of things, I can get by with nothing. Of all the blessings life can bring, I’ve always needed something. But I’ve got all I want, when it comes to loving you. You’re my only reason, You’re my only truth.

I need you like water, like breath, like rain. I need you like mercy fom heaven’s gate. There’s a freedom in your arms that carries me through. I need you. You’re the hope that moves me to courage again. You’re the love that rescues me when the cold winds rage and it’s so amazing, ’cause that’s just how you are and I can’t turn back now, ’cause you’ve brought me too far.

I thought of this song last night while thinking about what to write for this week's message. The theme is "Thirsting for God" as we continue on our series of Prayer. When I thought about the lyrics, I thought they made perfect sense with what we should be thinking and wanting in our everyday lives - to be "needing You". You for me, means needing God. Insert "God" wherever it says "You" in the song, and you'll see what I mean. It's pretty powerful. "I need God like water, like breath, like rain. There is a freedom in God's arms that carries me through. I need God." WOW! To understand and recognize that need, to know that God should be what we are thirsting for when we are dry and parched. When our stomachs and our souls are empty. Let God quench your thirst. Let Him fill you up with His glory. Let Him be the piece that is missing from your puzzled life...

Go to God first

2007-02-22T20:36:00.000-05:00

"Dear Lord, I don't know why I'm coming to you now, but there is no other hope in my life, and I thought maybe if I talked to You, You might hear my pleas of help and do something to change my life. I've gotten myself into a lot of trouble, Lord, and I don't know what to do. My children are angry with me, my spouse wants a divorce, our house is near foreclosure, and I just don't know what to do with my life. I think I'm going to lose my job and then what will I do? We can barely support ourselves today with 2 incomes, much less 1. Lord, help me. I don't know how to do this prayer thing, but I'm asking for Your help now. Please, I beg of you, help me..."

Have you found yourself or know of someone, that turns to God as a last resort? Instead of going to Him first, they think they can handle everything by themselves and work out their problems on their own. That's just NOT the case! God is there for us anytime we call. He may not always answer you with words you want to hear, or at the moment you think you need it most, but He will answer you. He hears your cries for help. He hears your despair, feels your joy and collects your tears. Don't go to God when all the chips are down, GO TO GOD FIRST and share with Him all your feelings - happiness and sorrow, RIGHT NOW. Don't wait, don't hold back. God should be the first priority in your life, not the last resort.

Amazing Grace

2007-02-15T20:37:00.000-05:00

Ten Amazing Facts about Amazing Grace

1) The words were written by a reformed British slave trader turned Anglican minister, John Newton, who wrote it to accompany a New Year’s Day church service in 1773.

2) Amazing Grace is the most covered song in history. Over 3200 different recordings exist.

3) The tune we now associate with Amazing Grace wasn’t matched to the words until 1835 in William Walker’s Southern Harmony. Until then it was set to a variety of tunes.

4) The final stanza—‘When we’ve been there ten thousand years’—was added by Edwin Othello Excell in 1909 and was taken from another hymn.

5) Amazing Grace is considered to be the anthem of the Cherokee Nation because the song was sung on the Trail of Tears during 1838-39.

6) The first gospel recording of Amazing Grace was made in 1926 by Rev. H. R. Tomlin.

7) Most of the recordings of Amazing Grace have been made since Judy Collins had a surprise pop hit with the song in 1971.

8) A survey of British teenagers in the mid-1970s found that the majority thought that Amazing Grace was a love song about a girl named Grace.

9) The popular bagpipe version recorded by the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards was based on the hit version by Judy Collins and was only added to an album as an afterthought. Later released as a single, it became a huge international hit.

10) Amazing Grace was sung as the funerals of Richard Nixon, Sonny Bono, Barry Goldwater, Joe DiMaggio and John Kennedy Jr.

This is Amazing Grace Sunday and on this day, we are reminded to:
** praise God for the abolition of the slave trade 200 years ago
** pray for the remaining work of racial healing and equality
** pledge to free the men, women, and children still enslaved today

It's all about LOVE

2007-02-08T20:38:00.000-05:00

How many LOVE letters have you received in your life? How many LOVE letters have you written? Have you ever received a letter from God? Have you felt His presence surrounding you when you're feeling down? Have you felt His arms wrap around you in the highlights of your life, saying, "You are Worthy of this and so much more"? Have you sat down to read His word, and feel the LOVE in the words that are before you? Do you know that God LOVES you? Do you know how much God LOVES you? Do you know that you are WORTHY of God's LOVE every day of your life? When you're feeling down, take a moment to tell yourself that God LOVES you and you are WORTHY of His LOVE and grace. Your life has WORTH, your LOVE has meaning, and giving yourself to God is such a small thing to do to show your LOVE for HIM.

Service with a smile

2007-01-25T20:38:00.000-05:00

"SERVICE with a smile." I'll never forget those words when I started my first "real job" working at Burger King. Whenever you were on the front counter, running the registers, it was always "SERVICE with a smile." Well, I smiled alright! I smiled until my cheeks hurt! I smiled when customers were yelling at me that it was taking too long and their fries were cold! I smiled when I was handing food out the drive-thru window and my hands were freezing from the cold and snow that was ever-present in good old Bradford, PA. I smiled when I had to wash dishes, and clean tables, and empty garbages. I smiled day in and day out. I was the epitome of "SERVICE WITH A SMILE." Today, I try and carry that sentiment with me as I SERVE the Lord and those around me. When I answer the phone, I hope the people can hear my smile instead of the frustration I might be feeling because I'm having a bad day. When I'm waiting patiently in the 20 items or less line at Wal-Mart, and the customer in front of me has a full cart, I hope that the cashier can see that I am smiling to help make their mood a little lighter. I hope that as I am a SERVANT in my daily life, whether in church or at work, or just getting groceries, that people know that my heart is full of love and that my smile is real and meant for them...

To-do list

2007-01-04T20:39:00.000-05:00

Things to do today (in no particular order):
1) Clean house
2) Take down Christmas decorations
3) Eat
4) Shower/get dressed
5) Go to the mall and return/exchange Christmas gifts
6) Go to Wal-Mart for puppy food, milk, etc.
7) Prepare Sunday School lesson
8) Prepare media for Contemporary Service tomorrow!
9) Pray
10) Spend time with family

Look familiar? What was your to-do list for today? Do you make a new to-do list each day, or do you just add to the one from the day before and hope that today's the day you'll get it all done? When you make a to-do list, do you list it by order of importance, or just a random order of things you'd like to get done? My to-do lists are generally random, because I can't PRIORITIZE everything I'd like to get done - they're all PRIORITIES for me at this point! However, my first and foremost PRIORITY should be my time spent with God. Whether it be through reading the Bible, or a devotional, or just a book that puts me in a better place emotionally and spiritually. That should come first EVERY DAY no matter what else I have going on.
This year, if you aren't already putting God first in your life every day, make it your New Year's Resolution to do so. And keep it! So often we make resolutions that are meaningless, and we know they will never happen. Make it your goal for this year to make God your #1 PRIORITY and see how everything else falls into place.

2006-12-14T20:40:00.000-05:00

This morning as we were eating breakfast, Ava was talking about sitting or staying or sleeping, I couldn't figure out which. I kept telling her I didn't understand and she would look up at me with those big baby blues of hers and ever so slowly try and tell me again what she wanted. I finally got it - "Say a prayer."
Over the past several years, since Allison has been able to talk, we've asked her to say the prayer at dinner time. Then, about 8 months ago, Ava started joining in or saying grace after Allison was done. Sometimes, she even reminds us that we didn't say it, and gets our attention so SHE can say it. This morning was one of those mornings. Don and I were preoccupied with thoughts of what we had to get done today - if you forgot, Christmas is only 9 days away and although we bought our tree last Saturday, it's STILL NOT DECORATED!!! (Neither is the rest of our house for that matter.) But Ava, in the innocence and with the pure love of a child, put God first (as it should be) and reminded us to pray before we ate. "Dear God, thank you for this food. Amen." Her prayer is simple, but never ceases to fill my heart with JOY, Peace, and Hope. This weekend, may you put God first in all that you do, and may your heart be filled with JOY, Peace, and Hope.