Running after You

I hear the voice, it's the voice of the one I love. He's callin' my name. (I hear you calling me Jesus.) I hear the voice, the voice of the one I love. He's calling my name. (Can you hear Him calling?) He's sayin' - "Come up higher, hear the angels sing. Come up higher, my beloved. Come up higher and leave this world behind." You find me to be beautiful. I am running, running after You. You've become my soul's delight. I am running, running after You. Here with You I found my life. I am running, running after You. You've become my soul's delight. I am running, running after You. Here with You I find my life. I am running, running after You. You've become my soul's delight. I am running, running after You. Here with You I find my life. One thing I have desired, this will I seek after, to dwell in Your house forevermore. Now I'm running after the thing that really matters. You've become my joy and song. (You've become my joy and song.) You've become my joy and song. (You've become my joy and song.) You've become my joy and song. Become my joy and song. I am running, running after You. You've become my soul's delight. I am running, running after You. Here with You I find my life. I am running, running after You. You've become my soul's delight. I am running, running after You. Here with You I find my life... Here with You I find my life... ("Running" Klaus Kuehn)

So often it seems we are running FROM something, not AFTER anything. We run from things we're afraid of. We run from adversity, from temptation, from each other. It's easy to run away. It's not that easy to run to. It seems like all I've done this past year is run. There have been times I feel as if I've been running FOR my life. Do you know how scary that is? How long can I run? How fast do I have to go? When will I reach the finish line? I don't think I have the strength to make it... Those have just been some of the thoughts in my head. The one thing that has kept me running, though, towards something, is the knowledge I carry with me that He is at the end of every run I've ever been on, or ever will be. Now, instead of wondering how long, or how fast, I think, just another step, just another step. Take your time, there's no hurry, He's waiting for You. No matter how long it takes me to get there. He is waiting and HE CAN WAIT. He knows that I'm running after Him and He can't wait until I get there!

When you're running the race of life, don't think about the finish line, think about who's waiting on the other side... And run to Him. For He is calling your name.

I'll Rise

Out of Your great love, You came down from glory. The Son of God to set me free. And for all my sin You gave yourself on Calvary. You rose so I can live again. And I'll rise because You rose. And I'll live because You died for me. I'll love because You first loved me. O Lord, You are my life. O Lord, You are my life. Though I may walk through the valley of the shadow, I know that You are there with me. And if I lose my way, I know Your hand will guide me. Nothing can take Your love away. And I'll rise because You rose. And I'll live because You died for me. I'll love because You first loved me. O Lord, You are my life. O Lord, You are my life. You're all I need. You are the One who makes my life worth living. Lord, here I am, take all of me. Take all my hopes, take all my dreams that I have held so dearly. Lord, please take it all. And I'll rise because You rose. And I'll live because You died for me. I'll love because You first loved me.

As I was sitting in the Good Friday service last night, I gave serious thought to my life up until now. I thought about the things I've done, the people I've met, the choices I've made, and what is yet to come. I thought about Jesus' life, how He lived, how He died, and how those things have affected me. I thought about the times I've turned to Him in prayers of thanksgiving, and in prayers of distress. I thought about the times I've given my life to Him, and how He has changed me. But most importantly, I thought about the sacrifice He made FOR ME and how/what I could do with my life to make his sacrifice worth something. Then I thought of the song above and I knew what I had to do. "I'll rise because You rose. And I'll live because You died for me. I'll love because You first loved me. O Lord, You are my life. O Lord, You are my life." I have to rise above any obstacle because nothing is bigger than His dying on the cross for me. I have to live because His life made mine important. I have to love because no matter how much it hurts sometimes, it's what I do best. He is my life and I need to live my life for and about Him.

This Easter, think about how best to live your life for Him. How can you rise against the things that seem insurmountable? How can you live in a way that honors the one who died for you? How can you love those that don't want to love you in return? Like Jesus. With grace, strength of character, compassion, unconditional love and prayer.

This Easter, rise and choose to live, for He is risen indeed!

I will walk by faith...

Would I believe you when you would say Your hand will guide my every way. Will I receive the words You say every moment of every day. Well I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see it. Well because this broken road prepares Your will for me. Help me to win my endless fears. You've been so faithful for all my years. With the one breath You make me. Your grace covers all I do. Well I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see it. Well because this broken road prepares Your will for me. Well I'm broken - but I still see Your face. Well You've spoken - pouring Your words of grace. Well I will walk by faith even when I cannot see. Well because this broken road prepares Your will for me. Well I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see it. Well because this broken road prepares Your will for me. Well hallelujah, hallelu. Well hallelujah, hallelu. (I will walk by faith). I will walk, I will walk, I will walk by faith. I will, I will, I will walk by faith. (Jeremy Camp - "Walk By Faith")"

I will walk by Faith." I wonder if that's what Jesus thought that day riding into Jerusalem on his donkey? Did He truly believe that God's hand would guide him every way and in everything He did? Did He already know what lay before him in the days ahead, or did each day bring something new? As we go through each day, how much do we truly walk by faith? How much do we give up to God above, our Maker and Creator? How much of what we say we've given over to Him have we truly let go of, and let God? I bet not nearly as much as we think... I have tried "walking by faith" this Lenten season. If you recall, several weeks ago, I decided that this Lent, I was going to give myself up to Jesus and be made whole again. I wanted to find out who I was and who I was meant to be before life got in the way with all its trials and tribulations. I decided to give up all the doubts and insecurities in my life and rely fully on God to get me through whatever life could throw in my way. I wanted to walk by faith. Well, I haven't. Not entirely. I'm not ready yet. But, I have made great strides. Each day before I get out of bed, I say a prayer - a prayer of thanksgiving for the day to come, a prayer of thanksgiving for the days that have past, and a prayer for peace and strength to get me through today. Each night before I go to bed, I say a prayer of thanksgiving for getting me through the day, a prayer of thanksgiving for the people in my life, and a prayer for peace and strength to get me through tomorrow. I am trying to walk by faith each and every day. He hasn't failed me yet, even though there are times where I've wondered where He is.

Like this one - this past Wednesday, we had to put down our beloved dog, Ammo. She had been w/us for nearly 13 years (her 13th birthday was today, April 4th). It was completely unexpected. She had been sick for a few years, and had definitely outlasted her prognosis. But, still, when the time came, it wasn't the easiest thing we've ever had to do. To be honest, it was absolutely, completely HORRIBLE! I haven't cried that hard or that much in a long time and I don't want to do it again anytime soon. That night, after it was over, I called my Mom and I told her I was so angry with God. I couldn't believe He had taken her from us and I truly didn't understand why or how He could throw something else at us like losing Ammo on top of everything else. I hadn't given up, but I was tired of fighting for what I believed in, and wondered how broad He thought my shoulders were? There's only so much one person can take and I felt like I had definitely reached my limit! The next day, my mom called during her Bible Study and said she had a scripture for me that came up after she had asked for prayers for our family. I found out later the scripture was Matthew 11: 28-30. "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." God had heard my cries for help! He knew that I was broken and battered and just wanted to give in and give up! When I was at my lowest, He found a way to remind me that nothing is too much for Him. I will continue to walk by faith, because this broken road does prepare His will for me.

Keep walking, no matter how long or how broken the road is. Keep the faith, for He will never give up on you.

The bar is so high

It's a fear that keeps me wide awake in the middle of the night. When the expectations are too great and the bar gets raised too high. So I do the best with what I've gotand hope that no one knows that I strain to see how high I can. Try to stand on these toes until I'm measured, but You know better. So, thank You, Jesus. Even when You see us just as we are, fragile and frail and so far from who we want to be. So, thank You, Jesus. Even when the pieces are broken and small. Dreams shatter and scatter like the wind. Thank You, even then. So I put aside the masquerade and admit that I am not okay which may not be the thing to say but I'm not ashamed to need You more each day. We raise the standard and try to reach You but we'll never make it, and we don't need to. (Nichole Nordeman - "Even Then")

When I was growing up, I used to go to roller skating every weekend. I went so much, my parents bought me my own skates. I loved those skates! They were white with hot pink wheels & hot pink toe stops. (I had those skates up until just a few years ago when I sold them at a yard sale.) Those skates gave me great memories - especially doing the limbo! I could get pretty low, but never as low as some of the kids that grew up on skates and were 4 and 5 years old. There were some kids that could do full splits underneath that limbo bar, mostly boys! At that time, I judged myself on how well I did based on how LOW the bar was before I fell. I was younger then and a lot more flexible than I am now. Today, I judge myself on how HIGH the bar is before I fail. I have my own expectations of how I should rate as a daughter, mother, wife and friend. As of today, I have never met those expectations, nor will I. I've set my bar too high, but I won't/can't lower it. So, in the meantime, I keep trying and I keep failing. I have expectations of how I should perform in my job, and my boss and co-workers have their expectations. My boss expects me to know every little thing that goes wrong with his computer and how to fix it. I can fix a lot, but I'm not a computer expert. I'm expected to multi-task 15 different things at once and keep them all straight and get them done at the same time. I do well enough, but my bar has been set so high that sometimes it's impossible to meet.

So what happens when I realize that no matter how hard I try, no matter how tall I stretch on my tiptoes, I'll never be quite high enough? That I'll never be good enough to reach that bar? What happens then? What happens when I fail? What happens when I'm broken and shattered and there's nothing left? That's when Jesus comes in. That's when I get down on my knees and pray for His mercy. And that's when He reaches out and wraps His arms around me and I know that no matter how high MY bar is, His will never be too high for me.

How high is your bar?

Make Me Over

I've been silent instead of speaking up. Gave my advice instead of giving love. I have been unfair, faithless and unkind. I have shut my eyes just so I would stay blind. It's not what I meant to do, cause I wanna honor you. Make me over, make me new. Make me a mirror, a reflection of you. Take me all apart. Take me to your heart and pull me closer. Oh, Jesus, make me over. Take away the pride that whispers in the dark. Take the stone out of the middle of my heart. Hidden underneath my insecurities is the servant that you've destined me to be. But day after precious day I get in my own way. Make me over, make me new. Make me a mirror, a reflection of you. Take me all apart. Take me to your heart and pull me closer. Sweet savior, make me over. I am only made of your imagining. I'm dust and clay on the wind. Wash me in the river of your sacrifice until I'm changed, purified. Take me all apart. Take me to your heart and pull me closer. My Jesus, make me over. Make me over. (Natalie Grant - "Make Me Over")

This Lent, I have decided to give up myself to Jesus and to be made whole again. To find out who I am and who I was meant to be before life got in the way with all its trials and tribulations. I have decided to give up all the doubts and insecurities in my life and rely fully on God to get me through whatever life can throw in my way. I have also decided to make my body over - inside and out. I had gotten away from working out because I just wasn't seeing the results I wanted in the time I wanted. Well, I'm back at it and I'm feeling great! I'm still worried about the results on the outside, but I'm trying to focus on the feelings inside first. Each day, when I work out, I repeat to myself - "You can do it. You are strong. Lean machine!" My goal is to be a "lean machine" when I turn 35 in April. My other goal is to have freed myself from the things inside of me that are trying to break me down. Each day when I get up, I have a choice - to get through the day with grace and compassion, or to be a victim and let my feelings bring me down. I have good days and bad days. I don't always make the right choice, and even when I do, there are outside forces at work that come in and destroy my good intentions. The best thing I've found through that is is that Jesus has my back. When I'm having a really bad day, someone sends me an e-mail, or gives me a call to let me know they're thinking about me. How cool is that!?! He is with me (and you) all the time! He has shown himself to me so much in these past months, I couldn't even begin to tell you. He is continually working to make me over and I can't wait to see the end result! I hope you'll join me in this 40-day journey and ask Him to make you over as well for whatever it is in your heart that is bringing you down.

Dear God, I give myself to You each and every day. Make me over, make me new. I give You my life and in Your hands I know that I am and forever will be Yours. In the darkest of times, You are with me. In the brightest of times, you are with me. You are my light and my salvation and I honor You with all that I have and all that I am inside. Give me peace, give me strength. Give me the courage to get through each day with You by my side and to do it in the best way I can. You alone know who I truly am and who I was meant to be. Help me to be that person each and every day no matter what life throws at me. I love you and I give myself to you. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Come to my Rescue

Lord You know everything I've done. Every thought I've had, You know every one. And Lord You know every time I fall. Still You come to my rescue when I call. Lord You hear every idle word. Every thoughtless deed, how it seems absurd. That Lord You give, not what I am due, but mercy; You come to my rescue.You come to my rescue, rescue. Lord You care and You've become my friend. Amazing love whose boundaries have no end. And Lord You show what a greater love can do, by being there for my rescue. And Lord I give all I can give (all my heart). All of my heart as long as I shall live. So Lord, oh Lord, I just want to thank You, for coming, coming to my rescue. You come to my rescue, rescue. It's hard to tell You just how grateful I am, but I'm still gonna make it show; with every breath gonna let You know. I am accepting though I can't comprehend, how I could be worth the cost, when I was bound, despised and lost. Lord I give all I can give (all my heart). All of my heart as long as I shall live. So Lord, oh Lord, I just want to thank You (I really want to thank you), for coming, for coming to my rescue. You come to my rescue, rescue. He is always there for me (rescue, rescue). And he'll be right, right there for you (rescue, rescue). Oh Lord I know I don't deserve it (rescue, rescue). But you love me anyhow (rescue, rescue). You come to my rescue (rescue, rescue). Keep on coming to my rescue (rescue, rescue). (ACappella - "Rescue")

As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along w/all the other souls. Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life. But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all. I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened. My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air. Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been! My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise. My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness, and scarcity, and false accusations that took me from my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to the ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me. And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was. I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light. An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes. Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, "Every time you gave over your life to Me it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles. Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you."

Thank you Phyllis for giving me this beautiful story last week in church! When I read it, I started to cry. (What else is new?) And when I found out that this week's service was about "Healing", this story couldn't have been more appropriate or come at a better time (remember God's timing is perfect! Even though we don't always think so...). In life, we are given many opportunities, and many challenges. How we handle them doesn't define us. Who we ask for help to get us through, heals us.

May your life be filled with holes... and light.